struggling; remembered some things; flashbacks
I keep experiencing the smell and taste of blood. I don't know where it is coming from. Maybe it is all in my head. I am hurting in the places I was hurt long ago. The slightest thing, the littlest reminder brings everything back. I feel like I am perpetually about to gag. I feel everything again. I feel so unclean. I feel too dirty to even pray or talk to God.
Aside from all that, I am still mourning. I am mourning my innocence, my child. I am mourning all of the lives I have known that were lost in death or insanity. I am in a gray, choppy sea of grief.