Pandora's Aquarium: Transitions - Pandora's Aquarium

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Medicine

18 November 2011
Posted by chelirach  
So much is happening within my psyche I can barely keep track. I am in this transition, and at the moment parts of it feel intolerable. At the same time, it feels good, a lot of it feels like a relief. It feels like freedom, new things are opening up for me and I like it. At the same time, I hate it. None of this is really choice, it is, but it...
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Changes

13 November 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I do not like where I am. I do not like what is happening. I want to stop it. But I can't. I am not driving it, I am not controlling it. I want it to stop. But at the same time I know this change has to happen, I know eventually it will be good. But right now within me it feels terrifying. It feels like it is threatening everything, it is...
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What is missing

28 October 2011
Posted by chelirach  
A friend of mine told me I looked pretty today. A close friend, a woman, someone I trust an care for, who knows my stuff and has been there for me. She told me this in a completely safe and normal way.

My outward response is to say thanks and change the subject, but inside, I want to curl up into a ball and die. I feel scared, I feel dirty, I...
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Entering the depths

26 October 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I am more then ready. I more then need to. But every time I get there, I don't. It isn't even that I dont want to, when I am there it is as if the thoughts/words/whatever does not even come. I go completely blank.

It all gets pushed down. I cannot even feel it, or connect to it. I feel like I was when I was in denial, when i did not...
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Time

27 September 2011
Posted by chelirach  
A lot of time has passed since I have blogged. For some reason, I feel like doing it again. I am not going to pretend I am back and blogging again, because I keep saying that, and then not blogging.

So much has changed in the last few months, and maybe in that change I am looking for something that I was able to rely on and use, and use that...
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Its complicated

07 July 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I had my first real session with my new therapist today and afterwards I had this urge to blog. Maybe I am back to this? We will see.

I am trying to see this as a gift. I am trying to see this as an opportunity. I hit such a transformation, and this is my chance to tell someone my story from the new place I am in. This is a chance for someone to...
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New Blog?

31 May 2011
Posted by chelirach   in reflections
I thought I was done with blogging and set my old blog to private. It felt right. It still feels right. I cannot imagine writing a new entry in it. I am not quite sure why, but I think it is because I am in such a different space when I was when I started it. It does not feel like me anymore

I thought I was done with blogging, but now I am second...
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