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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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Fire

29 January 2012
Posted by chelirach  
I find myself suddenly overwhelmed with new memories. New details that complete things, give more finality and understanding to parts of my story previously dark and ambiguous. I am finding this overwhelming and am resisting the urge to just curl up under the covers for days. Not that I even have the option to do this, even if I could not resist....
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reality?

27 January 2012
Posted by chelirach  
It is funny how quickly I dismiss the bad side of my parents in favor of the good. I convince myself those things were not really that bad, I really do actually have decent parents. I assume I must be making it up, I am exaggerating, I am making it out to be much worse then it is. Or I am just making it all up. I had a happy childhood and good...
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All over the place

25 January 2012
Posted by chelirach  
There is so much in my head right now, I am overwhelmed by everything that is hitting me at the moment. And yet, somehow thinking of something to type is difficult. What is in my head will not form into words, I am struggling with verbalizing it. I think my tendency is to become overly analytical, analyzing myself in a clinical and professional...
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In the middle

19 January 2012
Posted by chelirach  
At the moment I feel stuck. I feel in a place of potential, a place of transition, but am resisting the change. I am resisting the new, because of what continues to be attached to it, the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs etc. It is not all conscious resisting, much of it I know is out of my control. The result is I do nothing.

I find myself...
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Memory

26 December 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I wish I could watch a movie of my childhood. I wish I could just see everything, see what happened, see it all, and know.

Rarely do I doubt anymore, rarely do I convince myself I am lying. But it still happens, the occasional moment where I convince myself I made it all up, I have to of, I am just a crazy liar.

I read something tonight that...
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Depression/Anger

22 December 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I find that I tend to be one or the other, either depressed or irritable and angry. I can understand it, rationally, they are in many ways the flip side of the other, one is internalizing, one is externalizing. But what my art showed me is how often I am one or the other. Really it is a constant thing, I am just so used to it, I hardly...
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Missing

21 December 2011
Posted by chelirach  
Six months later I still miss my old therapist. Not as badly as I used to, the pain is not nearly as deep, but the longing is still there. Usually when I am really struggling, or coming out of an intense session with my new therapist. What I miss is the comfort. Her ability to just make me feel better. Her words, her voice, her love, her...
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Perseverating nothingness

20 December 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I perseverate about what I cannot say. About nothing really because I do not know what it is that I cannot say. It just feels like there is something, something to say, something to express, something to get out. But it does not come because I do not know what it is. I go to therapy, and we talk, we go deep as it gets, and I still leave feeling...
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The land of lost feelings

16 December 2011
Posted by chelirach  
It is strange that depression has become such a constant part of my life that I am not completely conscious of it. Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I am aware of the heaviness, but since it feels no different then what I experience every other day, it just feels like my norm.

My therapist has me doing art, she thought it would be a good way to...
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Struggling

19 November 2011
Posted by chelirach  
I don't understand it.

Why I was supposed to take the charcoal.

I don't see it as a negative, that I threw it away. I see it as a positive.

The problem is I cannot say I am glad I survived. I can say that my regret of the entire event is that I TOLD someone I had taken the pills. I feel anger actually at the part of me that wanted to...
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