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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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I feel like nothing is ever going to change, like nothing is ever going to be any different. I feel like it isn't getting any better, like it is never going to get any better. I am tired, emotionally tired, I am tired of being me, I am tired of feeling like a complete freak, a reject, I am tired of how much I hate myself. This isn't going to change.
The problem is that I am the problem. I am just broken. I was born broken, I was born damaged, I was never something anyone could love. My parents didn't. I was not something they wanted, I was a burden, a problem. I I feel stuck, I feel trapped, I feel like this is always going to feel this way. It always has and I cannot imagine it changing. 2 and a half years of deep analysis and I still feel deep down inside that I am just inherently bad.
I have no worth, no value, and even trying to think I might was wrong. I went there, tried to value myself, tried to love myself, and I come back to the same place, the same reality.
I wish I could go back to holding it all inside, I wish I could go back to when no one knew. That was hell, but it was my own private hell, no one else could get in, the walls were unbreakable. I wish I had never let them down. I wasn't supposed to.
The problem is that I am the problem. I am just broken. I was born broken, I was born damaged, I was never something anyone could love. My parents didn't. I was not something they wanted, I was a burden, a problem. I I feel stuck, I feel trapped, I feel like this is always going to feel this way. It always has and I cannot imagine it changing. 2 and a half years of deep analysis and I still feel deep down inside that I am just inherently bad.
I have no worth, no value, and even trying to think I might was wrong. I went there, tried to value myself, tried to love myself, and I come back to the same place, the same reality.
I wish I could go back to holding it all inside, I wish I could go back to when no one knew. That was hell, but it was my own private hell, no one else could get in, the walls were unbreakable. I wish I had never let them down. I wasn't supposed to.
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We'll get there.
Much love!
I just want you to know that a year after I left the site while I was trying to heal, I remembered you. You looked out for me, wished me happy birthday, and gave me a lot of support. You are worth something, and you've been part of my healing journey. I definitely understand what you're feeling. About once a month, I get really depressed and feel stuck, and it's awful. But you should know that your friendship definitely did have meaning, at least to me.
Here's hoping to unstuckness.
I sympathize with you here, I really do.
The self hatred, the feeling stuck, feeling of no worth or value, feelings of being born broken. I have used those words that you have, word for word, literally.
I am not trying to dismiss how you feel at all, not in the least. It's a difficult place to be, and that's putting it lightly.
The only reason I say this is because I think it's very interesting that we being survivors, have often had the same reaction, the same feelings of pain in many ways.
We are survivors and just for that fact, just for the fact that you are here, talking, sharing and expressing is of intrinsic value within itself. You are an amazing person. I know I don't know you, but I don't have to to know what I say is true.
I feel for you, and I am so so sorry that you had to go through what you have, and if you ever need a listening ear, you'll have it.
I am thinking of you. Blessings