The problem is that I am the problem. I am just broken. I was born broken, I was born damaged, I was never something anyone could love. My parents didn't. I was not something they wanted, I was a burden, a problem. I I feel stuck, I feel trapped, I feel like this is always going to feel this way. It always has and I cannot imagine it changing. 2 and a half years of deep analysis and I still feel deep down inside that I am just inherently bad.
I have no worth, no value, and even trying to think I might was wrong. I went there, tried to value myself, tried to love myself, and I come back to the same place, the same reality.
I wish I could go back to holding it all inside, I wish I could go back to when no one knew. That was hell, but it was my own private hell, no one else could get in, the walls were unbreakable. I wish I had never let them down. I wasn't supposed to.