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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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I find that I tend to be one or the other, either depressed or irritable and angry. I can understand it, rationally, they are in many ways the flip side of the other, one is internalizing, one is externalizing. But what my art showed me is how often I am one or the other. Really it is a constant thing, I am just so used to it, I hardly notice
Today I have been pissed. Just completely and utterly angry and doing my best not to unleash it on loved ones. But find other ways to release it. Maybe there is a reason I love angry birds :)/>
I feel more comfortable being depressed then angry. I can be angry at myself, I can loathe myself. But anger at others, feels scary. It feels wrong, it feels like I am asking for pity or whining or something
But the reality is I have every right to be angry
But writing that sentence makes me cringe. The messages follow "get over it" "It wasn't that bad" "stop the pity party" etc. Things I would never think about someone else, but for me, no, no anger. Be the bigger person or BS such as that.
The other day in therapy I made a comment that my family was not that bad. And on some level, I truly believe that. But my therapist gave me that look the "really? Um no they really WERE that bad" look. So yes, I suppose I have a right to be angry. Why is admitting that so hard, why is holding that reality so hard?
So not only do I have my childhood ripped away from me, but I have to feel guilty about feeling the way I feel about it?
This sucks and I am tired of it. I am tired of this being my life, I am tired of being the one who has to feel this way, I am tired of being controlled by this. I didn't do anything. This was done TO me.
And I hate feeling like that, I hate being in this "oh poor me, look at these horrible things that happened to me, look at my suffering" mode. It feels wrong.
But wow there is so much anger there.
Today I have been pissed. Just completely and utterly angry and doing my best not to unleash it on loved ones. But find other ways to release it. Maybe there is a reason I love angry birds :)/>
I feel more comfortable being depressed then angry. I can be angry at myself, I can loathe myself. But anger at others, feels scary. It feels wrong, it feels like I am asking for pity or whining or something
But the reality is I have every right to be angry
But writing that sentence makes me cringe. The messages follow "get over it" "It wasn't that bad" "stop the pity party" etc. Things I would never think about someone else, but for me, no, no anger. Be the bigger person or BS such as that.
The other day in therapy I made a comment that my family was not that bad. And on some level, I truly believe that. But my therapist gave me that look the "really? Um no they really WERE that bad" look. So yes, I suppose I have a right to be angry. Why is admitting that so hard, why is holding that reality so hard?
So not only do I have my childhood ripped away from me, but I have to feel guilty about feeling the way I feel about it?
This sucks and I am tired of it. I am tired of this being my life, I am tired of being the one who has to feel this way, I am tired of being controlled by this. I didn't do anything. This was done TO me.
And I hate feeling like that, I hate being in this "oh poor me, look at these horrible things that happened to me, look at my suffering" mode. It feels wrong.
But wow there is so much anger there.
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you're allowed to be tired. i don't think that's saying poor me. it's being honest and real about then and now. you have to accept the way things are before any possibility of change. and yeah it isn't fair. fact. we didn't do anything to cause us to feel this way.
I know it's hard to be angry, especially at those who deserve it... but know, it's ok to be angry. I know it can be really scared (I am so terrified of anger and I have the same problem), but it can also be incredibly healing.
Just don't hold it inside and let it torture you. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy and safe.