I do not like where I am. I do not like what is happening. I want to stop it. But I can't. I am not driving it, I am not controlling it. I want it to stop. But at the same time I know this change has to happen, I know eventually it will be good. But right now within me it feels terrifying. It feels like it is threatening everything, it is actually. I don't like it. I know this needs to happen, I know that this will open up so many things for me. But it is so far beyond where I am comfortable,
I have not come this far to stop now. I know I could not stop, even if I tried. But right now I want to turn around and run as fast as I can from all of this. It is huge and terrifying. I cannot even really comprehend what it means for me. It does not feel good right now, it does not feel safe. It feels like annihilation.