Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
So much has changed in the last few months, and maybe in that change I am looking for something that I was able to rely on and use, and use that again. Something that meant so much to me, something that was there for me, that did not leave me, but I left it. In so much change, I need a constant.
I realized also, how important this is. Having people who get me, see me, understand what I say and where I am coming from. I need that understanding, a world I actually fit into.
Starting new therapy sucks. So much of it feels like wasted time. So much of it feels out of my control. Not the new therapy itself, the situation. I continue to grieve, I continue to feel anger, I continue to be working through a whole host of feelings about my therapist leaving that I feel I should not be feeling. And in a few weeks I am going to see her at a meeting, and I am dreading it.
I want to avoid her, I want to not even talk to her. And I know, that if that is really my wish, I could tell her don't talk to me when we are there, and she would listen and respect that. But I cannot bring myself to really do that because I do not know if that is really what I want.
We are in an awkward place, "friends" but not, she is not my therapist, she is not my friend, but we are still connected, whether I want to be or not, professionally. I cannot go surface with her, and I cannot go deep. It is not a good space to be in
Starting new therapy sucks. I already said that. It is an understatement. It is horrible. She is good. I like her. But she is different, and to my psyche different means wrong, and part of me is rejecting her. Rejecting her without giving her a fair chance. I am completely conscious of the fact that I am doing it, but I cannot help but do it. It feels like keeping myself safe. But I do not actually need to keep myself safe from her, she does not present a threat to me.
She realy does get me. She really does actually see me. She really does understand. I just need to allow myself to believe that and let her in
But hey, its progress, it took me, four years with my old therapist to even tell her I was a survivor.
I just want my old therapist back. But oddly, as I write that, I think I want my new therapist.
I am caught somewhere in a middle and stuck.
4 Comments On This Entry
0 user(s) viewing
0 anonymous member(s)