These past few weeks have been of so bizarre to me I don't know what/how exactly I feel. Since my last T session two weeks ago, I've scored the highest scores I've ever had for depression, anxiety, hostility, etc except for drinking since I started T sessions 3 years ago. Although I am internally struggling with the drinking one (At one point I use to drink myself to sleep when I couldn't sleep on my own). I feel like I don't sleep anymore, I barely eat, am starting to feel like I am running on fumes and am starting to isolate myself from other people. Even though I know my behavior is wrong and alarming, I can't seem to feel like there is anything wrong with me. I feel like I am making this up and am just whining about my past and personal life.
I don't know. The best way I think I can describe where I am at right now is just numb. I feel numb and I am watching myself go through the motions of my daily life although inside I feel like I am struggling to be present in the moment and move on with my life. I am asking myself questions that only I know the answers, but I can't hear my replies. "Why do I bother?" "Who really cares about me?" "What is the point of trying to be better?"