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December, the month of my birth, hasn't quite been the fairy-tale month I would have liked for it to be. I had some pretty rough triggers, I was severely sick, and a multitude of other issues. However, despite all the negative things that happened I do believe some small measure of calm and insight did happen.
Through all the calamity I think I finally found the space and time to sit down and just be fully honest with myself and my circumstances. While there is a lot stress in my life I can't currently change or that are occurrences completely out of my control, there a still a good number of stressful situations that I can simply walk out on.
I am tired of the migraines that make my mind feel like it is going to split, I am tired of the sleepless nights and drinking myself to sleep, I am tired of forcing myself to take care of other people and I am tired of not living my life to the fullest.
At 22 I have nothing to show for the progress I've made in my life of meaning that doesn't have a painful memory or possess positive validating worth.
I am not everyone's toy or therapist or prince on a white stallion or doormat! I refuse to let anyone take any more of my energy making me upset for the way they treat me, including myself. I want more and I deserve better.
Through all the calamity I think I finally found the space and time to sit down and just be fully honest with myself and my circumstances. While there is a lot stress in my life I can't currently change or that are occurrences completely out of my control, there a still a good number of stressful situations that I can simply walk out on.
I am tired of the migraines that make my mind feel like it is going to split, I am tired of the sleepless nights and drinking myself to sleep, I am tired of forcing myself to take care of other people and I am tired of not living my life to the fullest.
At 22 I have nothing to show for the progress I've made in my life of meaning that doesn't have a painful memory or possess positive validating worth.
I am not everyone's toy or therapist or prince on a white stallion or doormat! I refuse to let anyone take any more of my energy making me upset for the way they treat me, including myself. I want more and I deserve better.
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1 Comments On This Entry
Great post to make and to read! i'm glad for you that you've realized some of these things at such a young age...i'm about to turn 30 and am not able to say some of the things you have in this post, most days.
shelliebelle,
24 December 2011 - 12:48 PM
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