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Twilight Zone (Maybe TW idk)

Posted by YoursTruly , 23 October 2011 · 27 views

So today I had a meeting with some people from an organization I am trying to bring onto my college campus. Coincidentally, my boyfriend also happens to be at the school at the same time for a different reason. My phone dies in the middle of our text convo about meeting up with each other. So I am rushing to go to our normal waiting spot after the meeting to see if he wants to go out to eat and hang out (haven't seen each other longer than 5 minutes in 2 weeks) and guess who I find with him to my surprise?

My abuser.

*Possible Triggering*

Now I understand that since we go to the same school there is always the possibility of running into him. I've been prepared myself for that. But what I don't understand is why my boyfriend was sitting nearby him (not even three steps away) like not a damn thing was wrong? My boyfriend is WELL aware of my history with my abuser and, until now, I thought he understood WHY I wouldn't want to be around him. Luckily my abuser didn't get a chance to see me because as quickly as it took for me to recognize him I said hi to my boyfriend and just as quickly left while his back was still to me.

I feel so fucking betrayed and furious! Granted like I said before, my phone died in the middle of our text convo, so I didn't get his last message that said he was there. But what I can't wrap my mind around is that I texted him exactly where I was and that he could join me at anytime before my phone died. He knew upon arriving at our normal waiting spot that my abuser was there too. WHY didn't he just go to where I was instead? I gave a pretty damn clear invite and he chooses to wait aside my living nightmare playing a computer game like nothing is wrong!

Am I going crazy? Am I over-reacting? I mean come on! Even after the fact that you realized that I noticed he was there you don't even want to leave with me because you just started a fucking computer game. Are you fucking serious? You've got to be joking! I am so fucking tired of this! I am tired of running and hiding, ducking and dodging around my college campus because of this creep and I am so fucking tired of him being the deciding factor on the longevity/sustainability of the existing relationships that I have on campus.

If I could hate my abuser, I seriously would. Even now, after months of no communication, over a year of therapy and everything else I've been through, he still haunts me. He's still taking from me. I still feel like his victim. EEEEErrrrrrrggggggggggggg!!!!!! It's so infuriating I could cry!!

Why do the men in my life betray me?!

November 2015

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