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So tonight I don't feel as hurt and defeated as I had been for my last few entries. Instead of sitting down and recounting all of my abuses, I instead tried something I had avoided for a year and a half. That something was to watch the movie that played in the background of my sa. Now I was DEATHLY scared at first and I didn't-COULDN'T do it without the aid of a friend I trusted to be able to handle a very possibly triggered sicken me in the event I couldn't get through the movie (they don't know about my abuse). But to my great surprise I barely made it through the movie. Barely, but the fact of the matter is that I MADE IT THROUGH! :yahoo:/> Immediately my friend had noticed that I had tensed up as the film started and I started to dissociate more and more as I became aware of what happened to me during which parts of the movies.
They quickly responded by talking me through the movie, making each scene a little more bearable to take my mind off of the sa and kept it anchored in the actual movie itself. They even paused it at certain points and made me get up and do something like make popcorn or something to lighten up my mood.I was truly grateful for all distractions because I can assure you I didn't feel like I would make it just at the title scene of the movie. Now because the movie itself was a horror flick and actually pretty damn scary, going to bed is a little of issue for dual concerns, but my silver lining is that by tomorrow morning I will be in the arms of my ever supportive boyfriend and for once I am actually excited and looking forward to being showered with his gentle affection. :thumbsup:/>
They quickly responded by talking me through the movie, making each scene a little more bearable to take my mind off of the sa and kept it anchored in the actual movie itself. They even paused it at certain points and made me get up and do something like make popcorn or something to lighten up my mood.I was truly grateful for all distractions because I can assure you I didn't feel like I would make it just at the title scene of the movie. Now because the movie itself was a horror flick and actually pretty damn scary, going to bed is a little of issue for dual concerns, but my silver lining is that by tomorrow morning I will be in the arms of my ever supportive boyfriend and for once I am actually excited and looking forward to being showered with his gentle affection. :thumbsup:/>
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