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Everything and anything....

Posted by hyperballad13 , 26 June 2011 · 14 views

Yesterday, I was accused of bullying at work because me and two managers a had refused an employee to return items about fifteen minutes after close and honestly, it has pushed me over the edge. The situation has been thoroughly discussed; it turns out she was using me being irritable as a diversion away from doing wrong and apologizes have been made but...


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Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock...

Posted by hyperballad13 , 16 May 2011 · 14 views

Tick tock tick tock.

Keep busy, keep busy.

I'm distracting myself with many colourful things; beautiful families, great friends, bright lights, nights out, cheerful jobs and music, addressing practicallity..

Nothing emotional.

tick tock tick tock tick tock...

another level in the bottle...

building it up building it up
Shaking it up shaki...


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I'm My Own Worst Enemy

Posted by hyperballad13 , 04 May 2011 · 15 views

I had some unresolved issues that I had no idea where they came from. Before the incident, I was always paranoid and guilty. I constantly felt like the worst person and I was worried what people were saying about me and always thought they were angry, whispering behind my back. But I could deal, I was getting over it....getting there becoming who I should...


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Two Weeks..

Posted by hyperballad13 , 01 May 2011 · 15 views

Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks.

I have had so many triggers today.

Waking up on my back.

The same dress.

A song.

A phrase.

A photo.

I see his face everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

I have the best support system; my family, the three friends I have told, work and this forum has been amazing. They have been amazing. But I cant ge...


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Friends Part 2

Posted by hyperballad13 , 27 April 2011 · 14 views

I just found out today after my friends had liked a page on FB that they are going back in a couple of months to the place where it all happened.

Whats worse is that on this page there is a huge picture of him on it.

I honestly feel sick. I've never felt this hurt by anyone who called themselves a friend..


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Friends

Posted by hyperballad13 , 27 April 2011 · 8 views

(Upon re-reading this, I found it a totally bitchy journal and it wasn't my intention. For the first time I have an emotions I can control and it may be anger but its constructive. I hope you guys don't take any offense or think bad of me)

I've had an up and down day today. I found out I have to go to the doctors three times for shots and ex...


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The Anger Kicked In

Posted by hyperballad13 , 26 April 2011 · 10 views

Last night, I couldn't switch off and I got stupidly drunk, hurt my arm and cried down the phone to my mother.

Today, the anger kicked in. The anger that at the moment I cant be myself. The rage that I wont be the same again. I hate to think that things I used to do gladly will scary and terrify me. And I hate that it has been taken away from me......


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Brain In Overdrive..

Posted by hyperballad13 , 25 April 2011 · 11 views

Today started off as a great day. My family are treating me so incredible and my two of my closest friends have phoned me and made sure I was ok. I felt that with this amazing support, I could get through this..

And then my brain kicked in; going over and over every tiny little detail. I could smell him, hear him, hear my screaming, see my friends tears...


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Family...

Posted by hyperballad13 , 24 April 2011 · 11 views

I told my parents today about what happened and they are coming to get me so I can stay at theirs.

I've honestly never felt so numb waiting for my family. I know they mean well but I just feel like I cant get through them that they need to let me be. I'm happy to stay somewhere safe and away from pretending but how can I get them to not talk abo...


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Self Destruct Mode

Posted by hyperballad13 , 24 April 2011 · 10 views

I feel low, the drinking didnt help last night but it was good to feel numb and not have the shakes.
My throat is dry from all the cigarettes I've chained smoked.

I woke up today and my brain is not my friend today. I have one side trying to convince itself that it didn't happen whilst the other is flashing back. In a cocktail of other emotions...





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