Black mark (sensitive matter)
I had gone out for wings and beer to watch a hockey game and celebrate a friends birthday. All was going excellent until a "friend" (I no longer wish to speak, hear of, or see him again) showed up. It had been a year since I had seen him last and was happy to see him, I jokingly asked if he had disappeared since I had not seen him for a while. He did not take it lightly apparently. When I got up to go the bathroom and walked past him he said to me "Try not to NOT get raped in the bathroom"...
Yes I know, shocking, horrifying, disgusting, I could go on and on and on. A person who I had considered a friend told me to try and get raped while going pee. Granted he does not know about my past and about what M had done to me, but that is no excuse to tell someone to try and get raped! It has been almost a week now and it has gotten under my skin.
When I look in the mirror, I see what M did to me. I see that little, what I call, black mark everyday. I do NOT need a reminder of it. It has brought up a lot of old feelings and emotions. I feel like someone has peeled back a scab, and although the wound is almost completely healed, there is still that raw flesh exposed. And it hurts. It hurts a lot.
It has been almost 3 years, and I thought I had moved on.
I still remain optimistic that I am a survivor and not a victim. I do not need people to pity me, I need people to make a change in our world. We need people to realize it is not about teaching us how to avoid being assaulted, it is the others who need to be informed that rape is NEVER tolerated, that it is NEVER a joke.