anji13's Blog

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silence

16 February 2012

Posted by anji13

Here I sit
upon my throne
with silence
stitched into my bones

reigning the winter
pulling in the snow
upon my home
as darkness nears

rush home
dear heroes
us mute children from the night
drift in ancient memories

i will keep you

when all the lights go out
we will sit
be together in our darkness
huddling for warmth
in the shadows of turned...

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living winter

13 February 2012

Posted by anji13

you talk about your family
I wish I knew what it means
to not have the empty bed
every night

but i trust more the darkness
than the warmth
than the love
some days i dont have a choice

I try to change myself
to bury down the child
i hear cry inside this cage
the one that forces my heart to live

but i can not speak their words
i can not...

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let it in

03 February 2012

Posted by anji13

awash myself in the
dizzy
dancing
tilting escape
one more way to ignore
to not feel
to sink down the swell

before the waves take me
as my brain steeps
in things i should not
have done

i question the abyss
the reality
the forces outside of me
am i worth it
am i still engaged in pain
am i nothing but the liar and wretch
as i feel

more scars for...

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it spreads

11 November 2011

Posted by anji13

put my ear to my ribs
listen to the heartbeat
know there is life in me

put fingers to my throat
the pulse
the life

yet my eyes
stone cut
broken shale

the cracks sinking
low into my core
spreading

growing
consuming

on the porch
at 3 am
accepting the outside ice

snow
wind
still numb internally

cigarette in my lips
my only cure
beside my...

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dont see me break

03 November 2011

Posted by anji13

step out the door and
its rain on the windowpanes
try to walk out of the clouds
but can't ignore

I have this soul and
aching bones
I swim till I drown

so say good-bye
I turn my back
will not let you see me snap
down the middle
at the core
like a bone

don't wait for me
swallowed in this shame

I'm on the road
that moves both...

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do it all

19 October 2011

Posted by anji13

So I sit here tonight, alone in my room, huddled up in my bed and I start to wonder. Ya know, you do everything they want you to. You talk about, you do all the stupid journal exercises, you take whatever pills they want you to take..

i go out more. i talk to more people. i'm a god damn social butterfly when i dont even want to be. but...

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song

12 October 2011

Posted by anji13

heard this song for the first time today, and i literally had to stop and cry after. its beautiful. still really dont have words to express how it makes me feel.

If No One Will Listen ~ Kelly Clarkson

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your...

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denied treatment

09 October 2011

Posted by anji13

dont really have any where else to turn tonight so i'm posting here. i was denied entry into a SI group therapy study today because I am too old to fit the therapist's target age. It would've been a free study which is key because i can't afford therapy on my own.

it was heart breaking. to be denied help that i voluntarily...

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hugs

08 October 2011

Posted by anji13

kinda wish all these people who offer metaphorical hugs were here tonight. very alone right now and dont have any one to talk to. :tear:

afraid to go to sleep

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from the corner

07 October 2011

Posted by anji13

my voice sits in the shadows
resting on window sills
writing messages on foggy glass

waiting for someone
on the other side
to come around

hoping for someone
someone from out there
who doesn't know my scars

to see me as beautiful

to catch the icicle tears
and warm our barren cheeks
from the ageless cold of the darkness

my voice lingers...

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