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anji13's Blog


anniversaries this fall

Posted by anji13 , 25 July 2012 · 61 views

So I've been listening to a lot of music lately. It helps me deal with things I guess. I know its only July but autumn is coming and though I love the season, I hate the memories it brings. Fall is when I usually feel the most alone. August and September bring the anniversaries of the deaths of two very important people. The first is my fiance who wa...


quote time

Posted by anji13 , 21 July 2012 · 80 views

"Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a past"
~Linkin Park

I've pretty much been listening to this song over and over again lately. And all other music by Linkin Park. Every song they ha...


doesnt matter

Posted by anji13 , 09 July 2012 · 83 views




Posted by anji13 , 08 July 2012 · 71 views

every day comes up and at me
waves of heaviness and sluggish grief
there is no numbness from the cold waters
not any more.

every day i beg to be numb
i ache for its apathy

instead the ocean holds me
drowning my soul in
blackness and murky depths
out of safety's reach

i am the frightened child standing at the tide
sucked into the abyss
by pain


used to be

Posted by anji13 , 06 July 2012 · 60 views

the more days that pass
the less i have to say
the less i need to say

just a pair of tired eyes
watching the wet world
each day a page

of a novel i dont want to read
just time
time i hate to have to breathe

take the steps
say the words
feel nothing

just powerful
downcasting waves
dredging me out to sea

undercurrent and nothing better
pain and black w...


sleep child

Posted by anji13 , 05 July 2012 · 64 views

There's so much left undone child
but sleep tonight
i know the day's are long
and more than we should have to bear
but sleep little one

we weren't supposed to be this way
and you're right
this isnt fair
days are not supposed end in
empty beds and nests

the days keep coming without fail
so fast and bare
some times i shiver in the dawn...


after my dreaming

Posted by anji13 , 24 June 2012 · 65 views

when my time comes
take me down to the river

wash my mistakes
from my skin
show me how to be whole again

when my dreaming is done
fly me on a silver wings
past the night
away from my shadows

warm me in a new star's shine
then let me drop
into a better fate

when I am broken
hardly anything left to see
will you visit me

bring me home in some


the day to day

Posted by anji13 , 01 May 2012 · 80 views

I find myself drifting.
Delving into places that my mind shouldn't go. Endlessly debating things that shouldn't still matter. And with it, of course, survives the darkness.

I hadn't overly realized how badly I have fallen back into old habits. Doing things that normal people do everyday has become so hard.

I sit up most of the night, unabl...


love's mistrust

Posted by anji13 , 26 February 2012 · 48 views

I'm drowning
not waving
here in the darkness

I am suspended
way beneath the ice surface
fractured by reality
battered by the hate in you

fingers tear at my skin
release the blood
unleash the waves that carry me
no time for cries of help

when things were simpler
and our footsteps clearer
my child hand curled in yours
foreshadowing my foolishness...


letters unsent

Posted by anji13 , 25 February 2012 · 78 views

Dear old friend,

I haven't written when I should have. There hasn't been energy and mostly I must admit, to my own shame, that I don't think it matters any more. Not many things do these recent months. Part of me used to recognize when I was in trouble. But it seems that section of my self-awareness is now vacant.

Its hard to explain. Put i...

July 2016

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