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anji13's Blog



Posted by anji13 , 29 April 2013 · 136 views

i say
i am untouchable

most hours
i am alone
i sit
deaf to the noise surrounding
my shattered heart

i am
some fragile thing
sitting a self
lost within myself
my grief

i will not say
i am glass
glass is beautiful
sharp and contained

i am wild
rough dull

but we share a common past
glass and i
both hardened by heat
pressed by trauma


the flower at the tomb (poem)

Posted by anji13 , 24 April 2013 · 143 views

time over time
the wilted flower wondered
I stand here alone
cold and passed over

no one helps me grow
no one stays at my side
no one saves me from the evening gloaming
and I spend another darkness
waiting for the sun

in the dawn as it comes
the warmth does not please me
for it only ends in cold
when the nighttime returns

so the flower, stalk bent



Posted by anji13 , 24 March 2013 · 163 views

maybe sometimes its hard to smile
or find things worth being happy for
and sometimes I watch the entire world
spin away from me
like I severed my anchor from my soul
I don't need stability anymore

I need days where the sun is important
or moments with people I miss
maybe I'm more than just lost
maybe I should do something
call out to shore


letters to them all

Posted by anji13 , 28 December 2012 · 133 views

to my family
i understand your frustrations, i am my own
all the world entrusted to me
and i let you down

in all fairness
i've never felt so abandoned
never been so alone

to my brother
i forgive all the left behind moments
all the silent meals and doubting eyes
i dont know what to say to you either
we've grown into strangers

in all fairness


its been rough

Posted by anji13 , 02 December 2012 · 135 views

Been having some pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks lately. My brother, who is basically the only person I have left, has been in the hospital after a heart attack. I've already lost a brother and I dont think I could handle that again.
Every few minutes I lose my breath and I can't think or do anything.
I dont know what to do right now.



Posted by anji13 , 06 November 2012 · 186 views

every dawn just another red warning
words dont even come any more
one more thing
over and over

my fingertips are colored
burnt from all my rage
carved bones bent
over and over again

my roots are sand
weak from the rain

my voice
my recovery
lost in the building echo
of a beating shore

the night comes
leaving me on the driftwood


low day

Posted by anji13 , 19 October 2012 · 177 views

feeling triggered today for no reason, woke up with it hanging over me. fighting off the urge to fall into my ED habits. telling myself to just breathe. breathe.


drowning ghost

Posted by anji13 , 07 October 2012 · 125 views

where I started
where I want to be

but this heart grows tired
it feels old

I am a lost country
of somethings buried too deep

no more self told lies
whispering in my ear to never look back
my bones wither
sand moved by waves

I can not swim back
when I was young
I never knew
this endless swell
pain that is beyond
the gleam of the lighthouse

my h...


reponse from last post

Posted by anji13 , 05 August 2012 · 110 views

Just wanted to thank everyone so much for the support on my last post, especially Sherodon Irishleo. You two helped me so much. I did have a SI slip two nights ago but it wasnt as severe as they've been in the past. And after the first I did stop myself from doing anything worse. Mainly because I just kept reading and rereading the comments on my last...



Posted by anji13 , 02 August 2012 · 103 views

i feel like i have to strong for every one else. not only to be the person they can talk to about everything, any time but also just put on this mask that i'm ok. there is so much going on for everyone else. some days i just accept the fact that i'm always going to be in the dark, alone watching every one live on with their lives. and i can barely...

July 2016

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    low day
    anji13 - Oct 21 2012 05:48 PM
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