Help
Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
i feel like i have to strong for every one else. not only to be the person they can talk to about everything, any time but also just put on this mask that i'm ok. there is so much going on for everyone else. some days i just accept the fact that i'm always going to be in the dark, alone watching every one live on with their lives. and i can barely wake up in the morning.
my soul is dying. its slowly slipping into this nothingness. i wait for the silence in the middle of the night and take out the things that make me feel numb. i've lost the battle with my SI and the ED's. and most days i dont even care.
no one ever sees the marks or scars so what's the point of trying to stop any more.
i sit in the black void, muted by my own selfish and disgusting mistakes.
yet if i told any one they'd criticize me for it.
why do i bother to stay strong on the outside for anyone? why do i feel this compulsion to be normal for them when they wont even try to understand when i do reach out?
:bawling:/> :tear:/>
my soul is dying. its slowly slipping into this nothingness. i wait for the silence in the middle of the night and take out the things that make me feel numb. i've lost the battle with my SI and the ED's. and most days i dont even care.
no one ever sees the marks or scars so what's the point of trying to stop any more.
i sit in the black void, muted by my own selfish and disgusting mistakes.
yet if i told any one they'd criticize me for it.
why do i bother to stay strong on the outside for anyone? why do i feel this compulsion to be normal for them when they wont even try to understand when i do reach out?
:bawling:/> :tear:/>
Share This Entry:
4 Comments On This Entry
Page 1 of 1
The point in trying to stop with the scars, is that you are worth being healthy, and you dont deserve to feel the pain.
You are an amazing person. You are strong in other's presence when you yourself is hurting. Allthough thats an amazing trait you should see that it's your turn now. It may not seem this way but in the same way you are there for others and feel bad for other's, there are people out there that feel the same way about you, even if they dont know how to show it. Its taken me a long time to realize that people criticized my cutting because it scared them and because they were worried about me.
You will make it through this. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
then i didnt know what to say because i cant see any good in myself any more and that just made me feel so ashamed.
but thank you for taking the time to write a response, it really meant a great deal to me.
anji13, on 02 August 2012 - 10:06 PM, said:
Well one day you will realize it I promise. You are trying to be happy which is why its so hard, because your not just laying down and letting this stuff consume your life. The harder you fight the harder it will fight back.
You really shouldnt feel ashamed because what your going through is not your fault. It's not your responsibility to be worried about. You are doing the best you can and that's what counts.
Take good care of yourself your worth it.
I'm so sorry you're in so much pain right now. Please don't hurt yourself though, you don't deserve that. And though I know you feel shrouded in darkness right now, eventually the darkness WILL fade away, leaving you in brilliant sunlight.
Don't be so hard on yourself for any mistakes you've made. We've ALL made mistakes, no one is perfect. And the fact that you are reaching out for help is a good thing, that takes courage.
Lighting a candle for you to help you see in the darkness, and sending you a hug if okay