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living winter

Posted by anji13 , 13 February 2012 · 76 views

you talk about your family
I wish I knew what it means
to not have the empty bed
every night

but i trust more the darkness
than the warmth
than the love
some days i dont have a choice

I try to change myself
to bury down the child
i hear cry inside this cage
the one that forces my heart to live

but i can not speak their words
i can not breathe their ways
i can not get away

I'm an addict to my own curses
my shaking hands
my iron bars
my skeleton fears

by now
i take it all
the darkness, the memories
i live in ice like
dead childhoods
my childhood

i cant smile when you talk
of family life
of daily smiles
and standing tall

i wish i knew what all
those these mean

instead i am the ice dancer
tilting in winter
touching ice
and breathing squalls

i am alone
in my iron ribs
layered in welts and scars
i can not heal

I hear you and I can relate so much.

Hang in there.
i like in the first stanza how u say "but i trust more the darkness... some days i don't have a choice." cuz like every day is dark. cool. but i don't get later what does "i wish i knew what all/ those these mean" haha typo? and i the shaking hands line. when i went thru that stuff my hands were more numb than shaking but it totally goes in line with the frozen images u got goin in the last parts. :)

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