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let it in

Posted by anji13 , 03 February 2012 · 65 views

awash myself in the
dizzy
dancing
tilting escape
one more way to ignore
to not feel
to sink down the swell

before the waves take me
as my brain steeps
in things i should not
have done

i question the abyss
the reality
the forces outside of me
am i worth it
am i still engaged in pain
am i nothing but the liar and wretch
as i feel

more scars for tomorrow
more empty moments
and dying promises
waking one more time
hurts my soul

i am the shell
a shell
a replica of the person i was
my smile--resin coated fraud

my hope--drowned in my mistake
my body--not my own
i gave it away
so i wouldnt have to live with it
another day

each day just a game
just a waiting pent up breath
i sit in the room
with all the peers, judges, and critics
with not one to talk too
not one to trust

i am the solo entertainer for the mainstream fakes
they all applaud the little actress
who beneath the swan dress and
scared make up
bleeds

steeps in cruelty
in loathing
in self disgust

i am tipping

i am slipping

and they clap for the show

i am alone



i am


i'm not breathing or singing their chords so
they leave the stage to the darkness
leave the performer behind
and enjoy someone else

i am
here again
in my silence
in my end

waiting

knowing

living the silence
being the silence
the darkness

alone



Such sadness in this beautifully written poem. So many of us are actors/actresses on this stage of life! Outside they may not be able to hear, but in here we are listening. You are not alone!

July 2016

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