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I overcame

Posted by rallying_defenses , 01 November 2012 · 6 views

Apparently I haven't written a blog since September of last year. I have to say that the end of last year really beat me down. I was finally formally diagnosed with ptsd after so many years of not so fitting diagnoses after I landed myself in the hospital again. I was pushed to my limit in therapy, contemplated suicide for what I hope was the last time, and quit therapy in as civil a way as I could manage. It was one of the lowest points in my life.

But, I applied to a new university and was accepted. The new year came and I made a new year's resolution to get to confession and return to my church. I felt like a new person. I was filled with such peace on most of those january days. I was eager to begin school again. That semester I earned top-notch grades and discovered my appreciation for my education. I began to see a future for me! I started to believe in myself! In June I started attending a weekend bible study. I met the man of my dreams :rolleyes: and we have become a very strong couple hoping for a future together.

I realized that none of this could be possible by my own strength. As a Christian I have learned that total trust in God's power has given me the courage to face anything! It has enabled me to do things that I once believed were impossible!

Now I rarely look to the past and let it get me down. I do accept everything that I went through. The SA memories are still there but I'm not afraid anymore. I know that all the negative feelings associated with them are unnecessary and I don't need to feed them. And every day is a work in progress. I know that I now have a lot to live for.

But I'm here on pandy's because I still have my weak moments. I still have fears and insecurities and it helps to know that I'm not alone. Life's too short to be living it in pain. I'm still working on my healing, and I will never give up on myself.

October 2014

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