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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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Easter & No Guests. :(

24 April 2011
Posted by Seanna   in Uncategorized, FAMILY DYSFUNCTION
Well, today is Easter, and it's My holiday to host for my family. Since my mother passed, each of us girls take a holiday and host it to keep the fmaily tight. Well, since I went off on my rampage in October, I have barely spoken to any of my 3 sisters.

Easter is my Holiday to host. Even though they all let me know way back in January they...
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Posted by Seanna  
Ok, I'm going to go on a rambling rant right now. I have my therapy session tomorrow. He gave me an assignment last week. Pick ONE thing about what happened and talk about it this week. Horrible assignment. First of all...How the hell do I pick only 1? I can't remember things completely in cronological order, so how can I remember one...
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Rough night.

16 April 2011
Posted by Seanna  
Fell out of bed last night having a nightmare and hurt my shoulder.

Hubby tried to comfort me and I just fell apart. I feel like this isn't fair to him. He didn't sign up for this. I thought I was doing ok. Moved on for all these years...now all of a sudden I can't handle it. He sure as hell didn't expect all this.

I'm...
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Posted by Seanna  
I logged on this evening to vent about my husband, to have a fun laugh as usual etc. Not realizing that I was that close to the edge. I apologize to everyone that was in chat this evening with me. I did not mean to hurt anyone or trigger anyone if I did.

I entered the room not realizing I was in as bad of a place as I was.

For that I'm...
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Posted by Seanna   in T SESSION
My stomach is churning. I have therapy tonight. He's going to want to talk about what's upsetting me. I'm going to tell him, then excuse myself to go throw up in the bathroom. At least I hope I make it there. (I haven't before) Usually the churning starts about 3 hours before, and my appointment is around early afternoon so I...
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Both of Me

04 April 2011
Posted by Seanna  
Written about the frame of mind I was in when it was happening...

VERY TRIGGERING.

[spoiler]Sitting alone, listening to my thoughts
"Why didn't you try; he could've been stopped"

The Voices they yell at me to tell me again
"Your alone in this mess - it's your bed to lie in"


The...
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Posted by Seanna  
I'm learning that the only way I seem to be able to communicate is by writing and by poetry. Thank you Pandy's for showing me this skill.

He's no longer with me in a physical way
The memories will stay with me the rest of my days.





:trigger:











Sound of the door locking
his footsteps are near
heart flutters in...
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Posted by Seanna  
I had an emergency Therapy session today. Called the office & made an appointment for later in the day. I was having panic attacks and phantom pain and this irrisistable urge to SI. I called when I found myself rummaging through my desk for anything I could find.

How do you get t hrough a t session if you can't talk about it? What's...
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Why?

29 March 2011
Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, TRIGGERING
The never answered question I have. It will never go away. Even if i come up wtih some lame reason that puts a rational reason behind it...it's not enough and I want and I need to know why.

[color="#800080"][font="Georgia"][i]Why was I the one that gave my heart out so young?
Why was I the one he decided to show off his...
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My Dysfunctional Family.

28 March 2011
Posted by Seanna   in FAMILY DYSFUNCTION
Shortly after my violation, My mother had found out and kept it very secret from my family. I'm the youngest of 6. 4 girls and 2 boys 20 years between the youngest and oldest.

So, when my mom had found out about it she helped support me through it all. I have become very angry, sarcastic & cynical. I avoid crowded places and I hate...
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Posted by Seanna  
BEST FRIEND
"It's Only a Memory. It's not real". - she was trying but the words came out so wrong. We laugh about this one still to this day.
"Why didn't you come to me right after it happened? I would've gotten you stoned!" Really? THAT would have helped at that moment?

"No Use...
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Posted by Seanna  
Ok. I am officially on day 5 of anxiety and panic duress. I have had a new flashback each day to deal with. It is all coming back so quickly now; I can't help but pray..."Ok, this si the end of the story, right? Please?" Then another day passes and something pops into my head. WHY. 15 years later. I was doing so well.

My 5 year...
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Posted by Seanna   in TRIGGERING, FLASH-BACKS
Triggering Entry.






Please don't read this if you will be triggered. it's not complete sentences, its only how I remember my assault. Everything is out of order and probably only makes sense to me...but some parts are specific enough to paint the picture. Please use caution.





Standing at the...
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Quoting from Bailey

25 March 2011
Posted by Seanna  
I'm a huge Greys Anatomy fan. I remember distinctively, one episode where Bailey told Merideth and Izzie to "Stuff all that emotion back in".

I wish it was so easy. I've been typing this blog, trying to think of how to say whats running through my mind and instead...I end up quoting Greys Anatomy. If you read this post,...
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T Session.....

25 March 2011
Posted by Seanna   in T SESSION
I had a therapy session this past week. I knew that with my stress level lots of things from my past abusive relationship was going to come to the fore-front. I just didn't expect it to happen so fast. Memories of incidents that I never remembered and wondering if I'm going crazy. Nightmares and not being able to tell the difference...
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Posted by Seanna  
My T suggested I begin a journal about my feelings, experiences etc. One problem with that. I have a Kindergardener that loves to "practice" reading everything he can find. This seems to be the safest place for my private thoughts....At least until he becomes computer literate.

Not even sure what I'm supposed to put in here. T...
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