Help
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
I haven't written in a long long time. I thought maybe Pandy's was the reason I was re-gressing. Kind of like purposely living in that time of my life rather than moving on. I took a LOOOOOOng break but it didn't help. I'm back now.
More and more memories are coming back. So many I wanted to remember when I first began, but knew there was this specific part I needed to forget details about because it was just so degrading. Well, here I am. I guess my mind has processed teh other stuff sufficiently, and is now reminding me of everything that happened detail by detail in the cabin.
I'm just so sick of this absorbing and consuming my entire life. It gets old quick. Dave is also sick of me being so out of it about this. He has suggested I move on already. He's even said to me at one time recently... "It's ok to talk to me, but I really don't see how it will help our relationship. Dr. K is your psychologist... Not me."
THAT HURT. It really made me realize he's not there for me at all.
Now I can't help but wonder if he ever truly was or it was just an act; going through the motions.
More and more memories are coming back. So many I wanted to remember when I first began, but knew there was this specific part I needed to forget details about because it was just so degrading. Well, here I am. I guess my mind has processed teh other stuff sufficiently, and is now reminding me of everything that happened detail by detail in the cabin.
I'm just so sick of this absorbing and consuming my entire life. It gets old quick. Dave is also sick of me being so out of it about this. He has suggested I move on already. He's even said to me at one time recently... "It's ok to talk to me, but I really don't see how it will help our relationship. Dr. K is your psychologist... Not me."
THAT HURT. It really made me realize he's not there for me at all.
Now I can't help but wonder if he ever truly was or it was just an act; going through the motions.
Share This Entry:
Seanna likes this
1 Comments On This Entry
Page 1 of 1
It is an unfortunate fact that it takess as long as it takes. What most people don't understand... even the ones that want to be there for us is that the entire problem is that we CAN"T forget and we can't just let go and move on until it is resolved. There are times when it consumes and times when it doesn't and sometimes it feels as if we have no control over them. Sometimes we don't. That is part of the PTSD. It is also true that even those that want to be there for us can't always be... and the amount of pain that we sometimes ask them to hear can be overwhelming. What we have had gone through is painful, for us, and for those that have to live with us sometimes too. Just like we sometimes need a break (even if we are not given one) so do our partners. I'm walking through some stuff with my "family" right now that is painful and traumatic (for me) that is triggering all kinds of stuff. It is also affecting my best friend and lover... and quite frankly sometimes i get tired of talking about it, and i get equally tired of him talking about it... sometimes we just need a break. A check out from reality and pain. It's ok to take them too... that is what i am learning.