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I'm just not sure how much more of this I can take. The memories and flashbacks won't stop. I started SI'ing again. Severe. Should have medical attention but they would only 302 me. How could I have done this to myself?
I'm at such a loss with myself right now. My real estate classes were a bust. Failed failed failed. how am I supposed to start again now? It's taken me so long to get to where I am. I don't even know where to begin again.
My entire life is about nothing but beginning again and again and again and again.
Still haven't heard from my family. Selfish self-riteous bastard bitches. How could someone claim to love you and in the next breath say something cruel and seething?
I just can't take any more of this right now. Obviously, I'm teetering on that edge due to lack of sleep. Nightmares wake me up often. Scared to sleep for long periods of time. Another 5 days until my next therapy session. Won't Dr. K be stunned when he sees my appearance by then. Pale skin, dark circles and probably falling asleep in mid-sentence with him.
Why is this happening to me now? I just can't take it anymore. I want my life back that was stolen from me. I'll never have my life back. If I do get A life back, it's not mine. It will be the life that was created because of what happened to me. It will never be the life I could have had at one time.
I'm at such a loss with myself right now. My real estate classes were a bust. Failed failed failed. how am I supposed to start again now? It's taken me so long to get to where I am. I don't even know where to begin again.
My entire life is about nothing but beginning again and again and again and again.
Still haven't heard from my family. Selfish self-riteous bastard bitches. How could someone claim to love you and in the next breath say something cruel and seething?
I just can't take any more of this right now. Obviously, I'm teetering on that edge due to lack of sleep. Nightmares wake me up often. Scared to sleep for long periods of time. Another 5 days until my next therapy session. Won't Dr. K be stunned when he sees my appearance by then. Pale skin, dark circles and probably falling asleep in mid-sentence with him.
Why is this happening to me now? I just can't take it anymore. I want my life back that was stolen from me. I'll never have my life back. If I do get A life back, it's not mine. It will be the life that was created because of what happened to me. It will never be the life I could have had at one time.
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1 Comments On This Entry
(((Seanna))) I am so sorry that you are feeling all this pain. Be really gentle, as much as you can, do what you can, and don´t blame yourself, you´ve had enough pain. You are strong and courageous and will start again on your way. I light I candle for you to light your way. Safe hugs
mybrotherdidit,
16 August 2011 - 07:17 AM
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