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My stomach is churning. I have therapy tonight. He's going to want to talk about what's upsetting me. I'm going to tell him, then excuse myself to go throw up in the bathroom. At least I hope I make it there. (I haven't before) Usually the churning starts about 3 hours before, and my appointment is around early afternoon so I don't have the anxiety riding with me all day.
My work schedule changed and that's no longer possible. My therapy is now for 6pm tonight. I only have 10 more hours to anticipate my session. I'm sure I'll be sick at work. Not focused and messing up anyway. Just got a promotion. Lets see how fast I flush this down the toilet too.
I've been a mess for about 2 days now, remembering things over and over again in my head. I can physically feel the pain I was in when it was happening and there-after. This morning I could barely get out of bed because my legs hurt so badly. Take some ibuprophen and tell myself it's all in my head.
I wrote my story...or part of it last night. I couldn't get it out of my head. I want to take it back now and hit delete, but ti's only the first part. It's not even the worst. maybe knowing it's being read will help me. Not sure. If I can't talk about it, maybe writing it will help me. Poetry was ok, I gave that a shot. putting it on paper only makes me want to burn the notebook.
I leave for work in 15 minutes. so for 15 minutes I'm going to sit here and think about it because I can't think of anything else. I mideaswell give myself time to do what I'm going to do anyway. Trying to stay busy so it stays out of my head doesn't work. I'm running out of ideas. My hobbies are now being taken over by him too. what I used to do for fun to keep my mind off of it has now become consumed about him.
I've written about 6 novels. I can't get them published because Someone will read them. THEN if it gets published and I become known....will he creep out of the wood work and make my history public? It's too much to risk. Yet another part of my life he stole from me.
My work schedule changed and that's no longer possible. My therapy is now for 6pm tonight. I only have 10 more hours to anticipate my session. I'm sure I'll be sick at work. Not focused and messing up anyway. Just got a promotion. Lets see how fast I flush this down the toilet too.
I've been a mess for about 2 days now, remembering things over and over again in my head. I can physically feel the pain I was in when it was happening and there-after. This morning I could barely get out of bed because my legs hurt so badly. Take some ibuprophen and tell myself it's all in my head.
I wrote my story...or part of it last night. I couldn't get it out of my head. I want to take it back now and hit delete, but ti's only the first part. It's not even the worst. maybe knowing it's being read will help me. Not sure. If I can't talk about it, maybe writing it will help me. Poetry was ok, I gave that a shot. putting it on paper only makes me want to burn the notebook.
I leave for work in 15 minutes. so for 15 minutes I'm going to sit here and think about it because I can't think of anything else. I mideaswell give myself time to do what I'm going to do anyway. Trying to stay busy so it stays out of my head doesn't work. I'm running out of ideas. My hobbies are now being taken over by him too. what I used to do for fun to keep my mind off of it has now become consumed about him.
I've written about 6 novels. I can't get them published because Someone will read them. THEN if it gets published and I become known....will he creep out of the wood work and make my history public? It's too much to risk. Yet another part of my life he stole from me.
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