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The never answered question I have. It will never go away. Even if i come up wtih some lame reason that puts a rational reason behind it...it's not enough and I want and I need to know why.
Why was I the one that gave my heart out so young?
Why was I the one he decided to show off his gun?
Why was I the one that he played such a fool?
Not even my family believed he was a tool.
Why was I the one he wanted to hurt?
Why was I the one he allowed others to hurt?
Why was I the one that nobody believed?
It was my life, not his they had chosen to theive.
Why was I the one they laughed at and mocked?
Why was I the one repeatedly stalked?
Why was I the one that had to be strong?
I tried to convince others, They convinced me I was wrong.
I'm remembering now, every last detail from 8 years of abuse.
God the abuse. you name the type and I'm sure it's mixed in there somewhere. I can't think of any type of abuse that this relationship didn't take a part in.
I was so manipulated to believe I deserved it and I couldn't do better.
He was going off to MIT to begin a bright Future for him and his future family. I was almost a part of that dark future.
When I think of who ended up finally marrying him and I hear horror stories of their marriage I can't help but feel it should have been me there, not her. Nobody deserves what he does.
I can't stop the memories and the thoughts from creeping in. I haven't slept solid in over 2 weeks now. I can barely function at work and when I'm home I cry so hard My glasses don't even fit right anymore over my puffy cheeks.
I thought this was finally over but no. He's gets to move on with his life while I am left destroyed AGAIN to pick up the pieces of myself.
Why bother trying to salvage what's left? any time I'm stronger, I only fall apart again once I start remembering details....and have to start from the beginning again and again.
This is my 3rd round of beginning again. I'm having a difficult time justifying starting over.
This ding in my armour is one heluva dent.
Why was I the one that gave my heart out so young?
Why was I the one he decided to show off his gun?
Why was I the one that he played such a fool?
Not even my family believed he was a tool.
Why was I the one he wanted to hurt?
Why was I the one he allowed others to hurt?
Why was I the one that nobody believed?
It was my life, not his they had chosen to theive.
Why was I the one they laughed at and mocked?
Why was I the one repeatedly stalked?
Why was I the one that had to be strong?
I tried to convince others, They convinced me I was wrong.
I'm remembering now, every last detail from 8 years of abuse.
God the abuse. you name the type and I'm sure it's mixed in there somewhere. I can't think of any type of abuse that this relationship didn't take a part in.
I was so manipulated to believe I deserved it and I couldn't do better.
He was going off to MIT to begin a bright Future for him and his future family. I was almost a part of that dark future.
When I think of who ended up finally marrying him and I hear horror stories of their marriage I can't help but feel it should have been me there, not her. Nobody deserves what he does.
I can't stop the memories and the thoughts from creeping in. I haven't slept solid in over 2 weeks now. I can barely function at work and when I'm home I cry so hard My glasses don't even fit right anymore over my puffy cheeks.
I thought this was finally over but no. He's gets to move on with his life while I am left destroyed AGAIN to pick up the pieces of myself.
Why bother trying to salvage what's left? any time I'm stronger, I only fall apart again once I start remembering details....and have to start from the beginning again and again.
This is my 3rd round of beginning again. I'm having a difficult time justifying starting over.
This ding in my armour is one heluva dent.
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P.S I love that poem!