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Triggering Entry.
Please don't read this if you will be triggered. it's not complete sentences, its only how I remember my assault. Everything is out of order and probably only makes sense to me...but some parts are specific enough to paint the picture. Please use caution.
Standing at the kitchen counter, pouring a drink.
His hands come around my shoulders in a loving way.
something pulled across my shoulders and around my neck.
belt is tightened.
cant breathe.
panic
try to scream...no sound
head pushed hard to the counter
pulled back up
cant see anything. crying or blood. not sure which is in my eyes.
hear front door open, close and lock
hear male voices entering house
hear comments about football game
belt tightens again
i feel hands everywhere pushing into me
my jeans are unzipped
hands under my shirt lifting my bra
squeezing, biting, scratching
stabbing pain in thigh
jeans not pulling off
not moving i can't believe this is happening
jeans finally pull off
underwear are yanked on but don't tear.
searing pain in groin from pulling material.
pulled over counter -all clothes removed
hands everywhere
remember thinking please stop. can't remember if i said it outloud
bottle smash next to my head
belt pulls i'm further over counter
something inside of me.
hand, p*n*s, object not sure
feeling pain
turned over to see assailants
two mutual friends
both from school
comments, cheering
smell of licorice
liquor poured over my face & hair
bottle in my mouth to drink
throwing up
licorice
bottle hit in stomach
turn over to protect
belt pulled-legs pulled
hit again
bend knees try to protect
belt pulled
hit again
don't move and i won't be hit again
wrong. hit again.
throw up
pulled off counter
pushed to floor
face & hair rubbed in vomit
kick
back pain
tailbone
woke in tub scrubbed raw
nail brush
hot water
helped me out of the tub
dressed wounds
cared for me until i could walk
where were we?
i don't remember
wasn't his house
wasn't mine.
where were we?
so lost. so much coming back at once.
too much detail running through my head.
feeling physical pain as though it just happened recently
My apologies if this was offensive in any way to any readers.
Please don't read this if you will be triggered. it's not complete sentences, its only how I remember my assault. Everything is out of order and probably only makes sense to me...but some parts are specific enough to paint the picture. Please use caution.
Standing at the kitchen counter, pouring a drink.
His hands come around my shoulders in a loving way.
something pulled across my shoulders and around my neck.
belt is tightened.
cant breathe.
panic
try to scream...no sound
head pushed hard to the counter
pulled back up
cant see anything. crying or blood. not sure which is in my eyes.
hear front door open, close and lock
hear male voices entering house
hear comments about football game
belt tightens again
i feel hands everywhere pushing into me
my jeans are unzipped
hands under my shirt lifting my bra
squeezing, biting, scratching
stabbing pain in thigh
jeans not pulling off
not moving i can't believe this is happening
jeans finally pull off
underwear are yanked on but don't tear.
searing pain in groin from pulling material.
pulled over counter -all clothes removed
hands everywhere
remember thinking please stop. can't remember if i said it outloud
bottle smash next to my head
belt pulls i'm further over counter
something inside of me.
hand, p*n*s, object not sure
feeling pain
turned over to see assailants
two mutual friends
both from school
comments, cheering
smell of licorice
liquor poured over my face & hair
bottle in my mouth to drink
throwing up
licorice
bottle hit in stomach
turn over to protect
belt pulled-legs pulled
hit again
bend knees try to protect
belt pulled
hit again
don't move and i won't be hit again
wrong. hit again.
throw up
pulled off counter
pushed to floor
face & hair rubbed in vomit
kick
back pain
tailbone
woke in tub scrubbed raw
nail brush
hot water
helped me out of the tub
dressed wounds
cared for me until i could walk
where were we?
i don't remember
wasn't his house
wasn't mine.
where were we?
so lost. so much coming back at once.
too much detail running through my head.
feeling physical pain as though it just happened recently
My apologies if this was offensive in any way to any readers.
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I hope ur head is feeling less heavy after this...or at least part of it. When your head can't stop remembering, it's horrible...but you have us to lean on when you're feeling like this.
Safe hugs if ok.