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I swear I saw something

20 April 2011
Posted by Lucchia  
I was inside a van. I was coming home from work, almost 9pm. The van was empty except for me. I turned around and I thought I saw an animal, like something big and black. I was terrified and almost started screaming. I apparently winced, cuz the driver asked if something was the matter...to what I said no. It was just a tiny second, but then the...
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HELP // Dating or not?

18 April 2011
Posted by Lucchia  
I have a really close friend (guy friend) where I work at. We've known each other for almost 7 months, and lately we started getting together.

We first had lunch together, but we were teased by our co-workers and I told him to go and eat w/them while I went with a friend. He later apologized for our co-workers' behavior, and I told him...
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Posted by Lucchia  
For some reason, I had an ER-like nightmare.

I don't want to go on detail..but basically, I was meeting this guy, and when he kissed me I stepped back and pulled out my own tooth, and started bleeding like hell. But it was too much blood, like I had hit an artery or sth. The worst thing is I couldn't see the blood, but people were looking...
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Missing feeling good

06 April 2011
Posted by Lucchia  
I feel like such an idiot...but right now it seems like everything is going to hell. I can't stop crying for some reason...everything overwhelmes me, I hate human contact more and more...I miss my anorexia, it made me feel safe. I miss my bulimia, even though it wrecked my body. They made me feel controlled, safe. Now I have nothing, and now I...
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Posted by Lucchia  
Yesterday, while I was at work, she sent me a text message reading:

"Lucia, cuando tu enojo te lo permita me gustaria verte y poder despedirnos. Saludos Clara."

Which would mean something like "Lucia, I want to meet you and say goodbye when your anger allows you to do so. Greetings, Clara"

I seriously SERIOUSLY cant take...
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Posted by Lucchia  
Now that it appears I can't talk to people w/out feeling stupid, or I can't go to chat w/out dissociating, I found a good soong. I'm keeping out of chat today. I need it most of all today, but I can't go in there. I dunno why.

I found this song by Skillet, which is if not the, one of my favourite rock bands. It's called...
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Posted by Lucchia  
Been in chat for more than 2 hours...having a hard time focusing on the screen after being triggered.

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Posted by Lucchia  
My T contacted my mother, and asked for her and my dad to meet with her, without me. And she never called me, and my mother never said anything until today, even today they talked a couple of days ago. Plus, I checked my mom's cell, and they talked for 21 minutes.

I feel betrayed by both my mother and my STUPID T. I can't express how...
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Posted by Lucchia  
This is more of a wanting to get everything out than wanting everyone here to know about what happened, but I feel it's kind of pointless to just write it down and not let anyone know, I don't know why. I don't know if anyone cares, but still.

Started T almost 3 years ago, after a S attempt and a three-year battle with an ED that...
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Random thoughts

05 March 2011
Posted by Lucchia  
I don't know how I feel like now, I just feel like I'm going to explode or sth. I'm offline on msn, offline on yahoo and deactivated my fbook account. Haven't left home for...almost a week. Haven't talked to anyone for about a month or so. I feel alone, but I don't want to have to be in contact with anyone. I had a...
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The two times I wrote here, it was out of anger. It was to vent. I'm a weird person, I know that, but please, please, if you comment, use R, T and only safe hugs. I know it sounds weird, but that's part of the way I cope with this.

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