I miss him so much...
For me, it's weird. With male friends (which are two or three), they're another girl. I mean, I don't see them as men, I see them as friends. They are not men in my eyes, they're just another girl I hang out with. This doesn't mean they're gay, cuz they're not, but I don't bother on saying 'I have girl-friends and guy-friends', they're all the same.
He wasn't a guy-friend; he stopped being an asexual being a long time ago. In our last dates, he was a man in my eyes. I loved him. I mean, I loved him...it just hits me that I did. And I can't make that transition of seeing him as a friend, because I had no 'why' he just saw me as a friend. There are things male friends don't do. He kissed me, he went to the movies, to the theatre, we walked together late at night alone on the streets, we went to the bay, we talked to each other every single day. I mean, that's not a friend to me. My friends don't pay for my food or my tickets or drive me home when they have to get up early and work on the next day.
I dunno. I'm not in a right state of mind now, I don't know why. I just miss him so much it hurts. I just went with some of my friends to have a few drinks cuz one of them is leaving on a scholarship, and I felt so...alone. In a crowd, I felt like a part of me was missing. And it hurts.