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So, I gave him a present for his bday (193..something version of Scarface) and a horror-movie book (which was mine....but I never read it, so I gave it to him cuz he likes that type of movie). ANyway, he said thank you (big hug and all). And then he went he said he was going on a trip to Argentina, and if I wanted something. I thought he was kidding, so I kind of went ahead and said 'Surprise me'. He left, we hugged. When he came back, he was all mysterious, and I'm like...WTF. He then turns around, gives me a gift bag (couldn't see what there was inside) as a 'token of gratitude' for his present (WTF, I didn't give him a present so he had to buy me something...I gave him a present and he bought me something out of the blue?), told me to have a look at it when he's not around, and let him know what I think. I'm thinking 'WOW...shit, he went ahead and bought a present 'n all'. When I look at it, it's a huge bag of Toblerone chocolate. It's not that I was disappointed, but I wasn't all too sure of what to tell him apart from 'OMG CHOCOLATE!'. So I saw him at lunch, and told him he didn't really neeeded to buy something, but that it was a really nice present (chocolate, after all...). And he seemed happy about it.
Two weeks later, we were to go to the theatre and watch a play (yeah, again), but he got faringitis and we couldn't go. The previous week I had been quite sick, fever and gastroenteritis, and I was at home all week, so we didn't see each other. And this weekend he went to Salto for a wedding, so we're not gonna be able to go out. But he said that next weekened, he wanted to do something together. And I'm like...YAY, finally.
I want to talk to him. Dunno if I have the guts to talk to him, but I wanna ask him WTH we are doing..if dating, or being friends. Cuz I'm falling in love. I hate that I am, but I am...he's a really nice guy, he's charming, we talk every day, he's nice...he's beautiful to my eyes. Only he just turned 30 and I'm turning 22 on September. Huge age difference. But apart from that...I'm in love. Not insanely in love, but I can't stop picturing us as a couple. And I want to talk to him and see wtf. I don't want to go bananas and just kiss him out of the blue....but if he go walking, like last time, at the seaside, and just walk and talk and spend hours walking....I dunno if I won't kiss him at some point. Should I just hold his hand while walking and let him figure out the hint? Should I grab his hand and look at him in a 'I love you' kind of way? Hand and kiss? WTF?!?!?!?!
I'm so nervous...ages ago, I felt this for a guy. And it didn't turn out well...he destroyed me as a woman, he stole my sense of security, and rendered me unable of trusting a man, even if he's a good man. He was the love of my life, and he R me. And I trusted him, and I loved him. And now it feels like I'm allowing myself to be like that again, just with a different person. BUt he's older, more mature, and more loving...much, much more loving. ANd i think I love him.
I dunno. I'm all over the place right now...dunno exactly what to feel, or what to do. Meh.