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Having a hard day..hugs appreciated

Posted by Lucchia , 25 April 2011 · 92 views

I was talking to a friend from work today (I've known her for almost 7 months now). She was telling me about her husband, and how she had been pretty reckless before knowing him. And then she asked me about myself, and I told her I have had a boyfriend before, for months, but that it all ended horribly wrong. She asked why...and I couldn't tell her, I just couldn't. She still kept asking, and I told her he had done something a man should never do to a woman...and she asked if he had cheated on me, and I said no..that it had been something worse. She loooked at me with a puzzled look in her face...but I didn't say anything. I was dying to say something, but she's a friend at work..I dunno where to find the limit on what to say and what not to. And I didn't know, I just didn't. What if she stopped talking to me. What if she looks down on me. What if she never speaks to me again.

I just. I don't know. I'm crying like a baby right now. I wish he had killed me, not left me alive. Everyone just asks, and I don't know what to say. It's stupid, it's horrible, and I hate him, even though I believed he was the love of my life at the time. Shit.



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hyperballad13
Apr 25 2011 07:14 PM
Don't be ashamed to cry and never wish you were dead because that means he has won. It is hard and no one deserves this pain but
I believe you are courageous woman with strength to beat this.

People may ask but you shouldn't feel that if you tell, people will look down on you because they aren't worth it if they do. You are so much better.

I hope you feel better and can get through this...

(save hugs) x
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missophelia
Apr 25 2011 07:15 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now. I'm sure it was horrible, and I'm sorry for what you went through with him.

It sounds like your friend at work didn't know when to back off. And I'm sorry people ask. It makes it hard, but you do have the right to not give any explanation, and to have your boundaries respected.

I don't know how helpful I am, but I just want you to know I'm thinking about you, and sending you lots of safe hugs. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Anyone who looks down on you or stops talking to you is not worth talking to in the first place. I lost a few "friends" when I first started telling people but I also found out who my real friends were and they have supported me so much since then. At the same time though, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. If someone keeps asking try saying that it's personal and you'd rather not talk about it right now. Most people will back off when you state it that clearly.

I hope this helps. We're all here for you.

-BEH
Thanks guys...it's just getting harder to deal with myself in this state. I hate being like this, and I'm getting angry at some parts of myself (if that's even possible). But thanks...I felt better yesterday when I saw ur responses; thank you.

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The two times I wrote here, it was out of anger. It was to vent. I'm a weird person, I know that, but please, please, if you comment, use R, T and only safe hugs. I know it sounds weird, but that's part of the way I cope with this.

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