Help
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
So, yesterday I got some really bad news. My family has been really struggling with finances in the recession. It has been a little shocking. 2 years ago, we were wealthy, and then we lost everything in the stock and Forex markets and now we are far below the poverty level and have to scrounge up scarce money to go buy food. I've been hungry before I felt safe financially, but to be hungry again after I thought I was set for life? that? Is tough. I thought that I could make my dreams of helping others come true in some awesome ways, and all of that is gone at the moment, although we are trying hard to get back there, or at least to a comfortable place. It is even harder because in my family we own two businesses, One of them has been making more money than the other, so naturally, when we are so hard-up right now, we've been investing the most energy in the business that puts the most food on the table.
The bad news of that is that we got a notice that we are loosing our office space for the other business at the end of the month. Yeah, we can work on it outside of that office, we can find something that is less expensive and that doesn't cause us so much hardship to try to pay, and maybe even free up more money from it... but... That business is where my heart is. The other one I work because I have to. But the one that is in flux is the one that I love.
I think it's more than that, though. See, normally I would shrug it off and say "OK!" we'll just make other things work for a while until we can find some place even better. I guess I try to stay pretty optimistic. But this time, OMG, I feel like I've completely lost my mind with grief. I think it is because the business was so important to my dad. The space we are in was so important to him. When he died suddenly in 2008, it was so shocking and it tore our entire family apart. We've never recovered. I guess I feel like I'm loosing a big part of him. Maybe the only part I feel like I really have left. Last night I felt worse than the day he died. That's major.
I am feeling a little bit better today, but not by much. I am literally grieving. In the last 18 hours, I have struggled with the hopelessness, and the desire to fight it. With suicidal moments, even, which I haven't truly felt in 12 years.
I feel like I have lost so much recently, and have also gone through a string of assaults recently, and I was just starting to get some traction and some hope back and then this happens and I feel like I fell farther than I was before. I'm sure it's just the freshness of it. I'm just so.... broken.
Thank you for letting me write this out - I needed a place to just jot down my thoughts, so they aren't running around in my head anymore. :tear:
:hug: s are always accepted, and very needed right now.
Love and Light
Amber
The bad news of that is that we got a notice that we are loosing our office space for the other business at the end of the month. Yeah, we can work on it outside of that office, we can find something that is less expensive and that doesn't cause us so much hardship to try to pay, and maybe even free up more money from it... but... That business is where my heart is. The other one I work because I have to. But the one that is in flux is the one that I love.
I think it's more than that, though. See, normally I would shrug it off and say "OK!" we'll just make other things work for a while until we can find some place even better. I guess I try to stay pretty optimistic. But this time, OMG, I feel like I've completely lost my mind with grief. I think it is because the business was so important to my dad. The space we are in was so important to him. When he died suddenly in 2008, it was so shocking and it tore our entire family apart. We've never recovered. I guess I feel like I'm loosing a big part of him. Maybe the only part I feel like I really have left. Last night I felt worse than the day he died. That's major.
I am feeling a little bit better today, but not by much. I am literally grieving. In the last 18 hours, I have struggled with the hopelessness, and the desire to fight it. With suicidal moments, even, which I haven't truly felt in 12 years.
I feel like I have lost so much recently, and have also gone through a string of assaults recently, and I was just starting to get some traction and some hope back and then this happens and I feel like I fell farther than I was before. I'm sure it's just the freshness of it. I'm just so.... broken.
Thank you for letting me write this out - I needed a place to just jot down my thoughts, so they aren't running around in my head anymore. :tear:
:hug: s are always accepted, and very needed right now.
Love and Light
Amber
