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hate being screwed in the head

Posted by britt124brat , 25 March 2013 · 25 views

I hate that being abused makes me self conscience....I have no self esteem...I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now and still don't feel comfortable being completly naked in front of him..there are certain things I can't do sexually that he likes and it kills me cuz it triggers me but it shouldn't...I can't even look at him in the eyes during sex...if I do I freeze up and close my eyes and get completely turned off...there's times where I don't want him to touch me....who has sex but wants nobody to touch them?!!! Me apparently...the other night it was his bday and I dressed all sexy to suprise him...he came home from work we played a quick match in my game I cooked dinner(by then it was 4am so I gave up and took off my outfit) he tried after we ate but I just broke down crying saying how worthless I was and how I don't deserve him and how I'm ugly fat and fucked in the head.....I fealt so bad and like I ruined his birthday...Idn y I flipped I knew he had to eat first and he was resting quick after work and I can tell he was enjoying looking at ms but waiting in the outfit for a cpl hours made me snap and Idn y....I get in these moods and I feel so bad and I know he cares about me....he's put up with a lot and I feel so bad that he has to....I feel like I'm going to kill our sex life and that i already have....we are intimate way less and it gets worse and its all my fault...I have all these triggers and rules and they very on my mood and he thinks way to much now he's affraid he's going to screw up during sex and get so nervous that we barley do it and its my fault :( I have so much baggage he deserves much better than me.



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