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Posted by britt124brat , 01 February 2011 · 120 views

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Hi. Im Brittney. Im 21. Im assumin everyone knows the basics of why myself or any1 is on here. Im hoping this helps me. Heres a little about me. I feel like ive been trapt most of my life. When i was 4 the abuse started. Its always the worst when its family. I looked upto him(cus).hes 6 years older than me. It stopped when i was 9 but then more problems came along. My dad and mom divorced due to my fathers drug problem then i found out he was dieing of a liver disease. When i was 12 they gave him 6 months and he lasted untill i was 17. The worst part was i was always a daddys girl. I loves him no matter what flaws he had. Even know he had a drug problem he always spent time with me and was in my life and watchingchim wither away for so long was tough. I hadda help my mom take care of him and i feel guilty for feeling angry and sad that i didnt get to grow up having a normal life with kids going out and having fun. I turned to drugs and such from ages 11-16 abd never made the greatest choices when i was younger. I feel like it was my fault the other sexual assults happened. If i wasnt worrie about goin to a frienda party and drinking i wouldnt of goten hurt that night. If i woulda made the right decisions about my life then nothing woulda happened. The thing that bothers me the most is i thought these ppl werw my friends. I was assulted 3 times in my life and i blame my choices. Ppl tell me its not my fault but i still feel like it is. My frandmother died of the same disease as my father and i found out its hereditary and tends to skip geberations and hit women. Hers was due ti auto ammune hepititis. Im affraid imma die just like them. Ppl say everything happens for a reason and honestly what did i do to deserve this. Why me. Why should any1 have to go through this. And everytime i thing happebed and ended another major problem would start. Its like i dont even get a break. Im so depressed at this point that cant even keep a job for more then 6 months. My last job was 2 months. My mom has some medical issues and needs heart surgery soon when we can afford it. I feel like my lifes colapsing. I wanna chabge my life. Im geting health insurance soon and plan on going to a psyc. For help. Itll be the first time ive ever reached out besides on here or to my bf. Im hoping it will help me cope and deal with things easier so i can live a happy life. Im going to document my feelings and ideas on my blog so when im older and better i can see the diferance of how ive changed and matured over the process. Im hoping it helps me vent along the process. I know im not alone. I hope this helps me along the way. Imma go and watch a tv show and write more of the book im writing. Maybe one day itll be published.

Feb 02 2011 11:44 PM
Britt124brat I am so sorry those people have hurt you and especially in such a terrible way. I also want to say that everyone who has told you "it's not your fault" is right. Almost every survivor of sexual assault blames themselves of what happened before blamming who was actually at fault. I did it and every person who's stories I have read and heard have too. One day I hope you come to realize that regardless of whatever situation you were in that person(s) who harmed you had no right in anyway or any circumstance to harm you. Drinking also is no excuse. I went drinking with a friend thinking she's my 'friend' and she knew her guy friends were attracted to me sexually and basically she with her guy friends got me so drunk one night that I can only remember only bits and pieces and from what I remember I do know for a fact that she let them use me as a sex toy. Now answer me this do you think that because I went drinking I deserved to be raped (just to point out I was not of legal age to go drinking)? after you answer my question think about your response and please give me an explaination of it.

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