LittleBee's Blog

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.

You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.

longroad likes this

What is going on?

23 March 2012

Posted by LittleBee

I had an AWESOME time with a friend.
My brain is trying to convince itself that she said something that she did not say.
I'm so confused!!!

Icon 0 Comments

Makeup, Body Image & The Media

25 February 2012

Posted by LittleBee

I love makeup.
I was always into playing with my mom's "lippy" as a little girl.
Currently, my makeup bag is full with eye shadows, liner, blush, lipstick and lipgloss.
But... when I put it on AND when I don't have any on, I feel like shit.
My thoughts go " Oh God, please don't be looking at my makeup" or "Oh...

Read Full Entry →

Tags: beauty, makeup, body image

Icon 0 Comments

Triggered at Work (TW)

07 December 2011

Posted by LittleBee

I was in a very very very triggering situation today. I was locked out of my office. As I was waiting for a co-worker to come to open the door I was alone in the hallway with a maintenance man who was hitting on me. He was invading my space and I was so scared he was going to touch me. When I was molested as a kid it was in a vacant...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Friend

01 August 2011

Posted by LittleBee

I was searching for bands near by and his band came up. So we met for coffee. Why does my therapist think this is wrong?

Icon 2 Comments

So it goes...

02 June 2011

Posted by LittleBee

I feel like it's my fault because I was the one who initiated us getting to know each other. If I had chosen to ignore him, I wouldn't have met him, then further down the line have been raped.

Icon 1 Comments

Ashamed to have loved you

25 April 2011

Posted by LittleBee

I would not have been ashamed to love you; to call you my "first" if you hadn't raped me. It's all colored a smoggy, downbeat grey.

Icon 1 Comments

Rant

24 April 2011

Posted by LittleBee

First, I want to wish all my Pandy's friends who celebrate Easter, a joyful one. Love you all.
My stress level has been pretty high lately and it's causing floods of flashbacks. The good thing is that deep breathing helps. I'm just still so ashamed that I was his love for awhile. We were never official, I guess that helps. Not sure....

Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

Self in and out of Relationships

27 March 2011

Posted by LittleBee

I go through phases where I am really in lust or in love and all I want is a partner. Other times, like recently, I could care less. I am happy being single. But... then my single-loving side beats up on the girl who so very much wanted sex and had a fling with a man who would rape her. Without lust wouldn't I have been safe? Why couldn't...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments