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LittleBee's Blog



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What is going on?

Posted by LittleBee , 23 March 2012 · 44 views

I had an AWESOME time with a friend.
My brain is trying to convince itself that she said something that she did not say.
I'm so confused!!!


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Makeup, Body Image & The Media

Posted by LittleBee , 25 February 2012 · 48 views

I love makeup.
I was always into playing with my mom's "lippy" as a little girl.
Currently, my makeup bag is full with eye shadows, liner, blush, lipstick and lipgloss.
But... when I put it on AND when I don't have any on, I feel like shit.
My thoughts go " Oh God, please don't be looking at my makeup" or "Oh God, I look so...


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Triggered at Work (TW)

Posted by LittleBee , 07 December 2011 · 50 views

:tear:
I was in a very very very triggering situation today. I was locked out of my office. As I was waiting for a co-worker to come to open the door I was alone in the hallway with a maintenance man who was hitting on me. He was invading my space and I was so scared he was going to touch me. When I was molested as a kid it was in a vacant hallway too. :...


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Friend

Posted by LittleBee , 01 August 2011 · 61 views

I was searching for bands near by and his band came up. So we met for coffee. Why does my therapist think this is wrong?


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So it goes...

Posted by LittleBee , 02 June 2011 · 50 views

I feel like it's my fault because I was the one who initiated us getting to know each other. If I had chosen to ignore him, I wouldn't have met him, then further down the line have been raped. :(


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Ashamed to have loved you

Posted by LittleBee , 25 April 2011 · 36 views

I would not have been ashamed to love you; to call you my "first" if you hadn't raped me. It's all colored a smoggy, downbeat grey.


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Rant

Posted by LittleBee , 24 April 2011 · 42 views

First, I want to wish all my Pandy's friends who celebrate Easter, a joyful one. Love you all.
My stress level has been pretty high lately and it's causing floods of flashbacks. The good thing is that deep breathing helps. I'm just still so ashamed that I was his love for awhile. We were never official, I guess that helps. Not sure.
I introd...


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Self in and out of Relationships

Posted by LittleBee , 27 March 2011 · 27 views

I go through phases where I am really in lust or in love and all I want is a partner. Other times, like recently, I could care less. I am happy being single. But... then my single-loving side beats up on the girl who so very much wanted sex and had a fling with a man who would rape her. Without lust wouldn't I have been safe? Why couldn't I have s...


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Drugged

Posted by LittleBee , 09 March 2011 · 36 views

My therpist, her supervisor, and my friends believe I was drugged when I was raped. My friends welled up with tears and now we are all feeling very sad. I am sad because it's a sucky reality and I still don't see my rapist as a bad person. It's going to take time.
Need hugs, for me and my sweet friends.


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Therapist Tears

Posted by LittleBee , 02 March 2011 · 42 views

My RCC therapist cried during out first session. I was honored by both of our vulnerbility and that we could express the sadness involved with rape. It was powerful to feel like she understood what I was going through. A space has opened up where I can say whatever and we can talk and listen as people who have loving hearts first and foremost.






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.