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Bad thoughts

Posted by niki , 26 November 2012 · 8 views

So for the past few weeks I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts again. I thought I would be able to get past them and move on but it seems to be getting worse. I don't want to tell my therapist because I feel like a failure having to go through this all over again. I'm just scared and I want to be better and get over this. I'm so tir...


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Difficult past few days

Posted by niki , 18 November 2012 · 13 views

I've been having such a hard time these past few days. I'm not even sure why everything has hit me so hard...the big dates are a few weeks away so they shouldn't be bothering me this much. I've just been having bad thoughts again lately and the nightmares are in full swing...so very frustrating! I don't have anyone here at school t...


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Dont know what to think

Posted by niki , 29 October 2012 · 16 views

My rapist committed suicide almost a year ago now. I've really been missing him lately. I know I shouldn't and I hate myself for it but i miss the way he made me smile. I miss falling asleep next to him and feeling safe. I miss the old him...the him before the rape. I dont know what to do and I dont know what to think about these feelings I having...


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Need some advice

Posted by niki , 09 July 2011 · 13 views

I just got a letter in the mail form the college i will be attending this fall...it said i needed to take a sexual assault class and a responsible drinking class before the fall. Both of which would take 3 hours online...i understand the drinking one but i REALLY dont want to take the sexual assault one. I dont think im ready to read all the statistics or...


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Whats in a name?

Posted by niki , 09 January 2011 · 12 views

Hearing his name anywhere is so incredibly hard! It doesn't have to be him...hearing the name associated to anyone makes me cringe! yesterday it was my cashiers name and today I saw it written out on a commercial...twice!. I know its something extremely small but some how it still has a large affect on me and makes everything seem impossib...


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Dont know what to do...

Posted by niki , 06 January 2011 · 11 views

I told my other best friend today what I went through…it was extremely difficult but I felt better after telling her at the time. Now I’m starting to regret telling her, not because she took it the wrong way, she is an amazing friend! but because I don’t want to be a burden to her…I don’t want anyone to worry about me or feel sorry for me. I though...


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Frustrated

Posted by niki , 04 January 2011 · 5 views

So i have a month off for winter break, which means a month away from him and him stalking me at school. i thought this would be easier and give me time to actually start healing but its not. He still is constantly texting nasty things...I have not seen his car in my neighborhood lately but that doesn't mean he hasn't been here. It frustrates me t...


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Anniversary

Posted by niki , 31 December 2010 · 6 views

Tonight is the 9 month anni since i was 'r'...It being new years eve makes everything harder!
Anyone else count the months since that night or is it just my minds weird way of thinking??





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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.