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My life before now

Posted by AmandaM , 28 November 2010 · 14 views

Today I am here, in my room, writing. I'm not anywhere else. I have a candle burning, I'm doing homework, I'm writing. I wish I could stay here forever; it's quiet, and peaceful, and somewhat organized. It's nothing like what I have to deal with the rest of the week. It's nothing like the despair that quietly creeps over me at certain times, the memories that I don't even realize I'm having, that send me into a raging, hyperventilating, crying mess, where I feel like I'm going to die. The rest of my life, my life before now, has been filled with ups and downs, false hopes, bad decisions, abuse. Good things too, my son coming into my life, my boyfriend, somehow suffering through school. Now, I stand on a precipice, desperately rushing to keep my sanity, get a little bit of sleep, not fall over the edge as the end of my last semester and finals approach. Trying to focus long enough to finish all the schoolwork I have left; papers, projects, presentations. All for one little piece of paper. After that, I don't know. I'm not good at planning. People are usually shocked when I tell them I don't know what kind of job I'm going to get. I'm just glad I'll have some free time, be able to focus on something other than school, like recovery, and crafting, and art. I don't know if I picked the right thing to major in, I don't know if going to school was the best option for me. I do know I've almost made it through, and I can't wait until it's over. I do know I've found my soulmate, a man who was made for me, the best man I've ever met, and I'm going to marry him. We each have a son, and we've come to call them our boys, and we will have an amazing life together. I do know I've found God, and I'm grateful every day for the people who have come into my life over the last few months. I never knew such caring, selfless people existed in the world. I do know that no matter what, everything will be okay.

Nov 28 2010 07:51 PM
hmm thank you for posting this, it actually helped me calm down :) ((safe hugs))
It helped me calm down, too; I'm glad I could help someone else, even if only in a small way! ((safe hugs back))
Nov 29 2010 12:28 AM
:yay: thank you for posting this! and you are amazing. and congratulations!!
Thank you, that means a lot to me! :)

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