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tjmom726's Blog



Posted by tjmom726 , 30 December 2010 · 28 views

I hadn't been to the doctor in over two years. I needed to go. I was scared. I knew the past two years have changed my views of my private area. I needed to keep safe. So, I asked my best friend who knows me the best to come. She came today and held my hand and held me close as the wonderful doctor was gentle as can be.

I controlled my breathing but...


I wonder

Posted by tjmom726 , 28 December 2010 · 18 views

For the past 10 years, my birth mother has been nothing more to me than a dull ache. But now, my children are at an age when they need me for different things. I remember now how I needed her then and it makes me miss her more now. I wonder how angry I will be with her before I explode.

I feel as though I was born only to please other people. I also fee...


Love, why do I need so much

Posted by tjmom726 , 26 December 2010 · 19 views

My gosh. I have so much love in my life now and I still need so much more. I cry just like a child because I don't feel good enough for love yet i want it so badly. I want someone to call me up just because they were thinking of me. I want someone to touch my hand and do it without anyone else knowing. I think what I want is something good that doesn...


How can I move ahead

Posted by tjmom726 , 23 December 2010 · 23 views

With all these memories coming back in my head, I wonder how I can move ahead. How can a person be expected to forget where they came from and who they were before being an adult. I struggle with this each day. I have a wonderful life now, but where I came from matters to me and who I was before being a wife and mother matter too. I don't want to just...


A New Friend?

Posted by tjmom726 , 23 December 2010 · 21 views

O.K. so I think I have done it again. Someone has come into my life and has changed it. She isn't there for me, and yet she has shown me kindness and compassion. I am finding myself falling again and I don't mean in any kind of sexual way. I mean I am caring about her and hoping she is caring about me. I want to confide in her and share some memor...


To help someone in need

Posted by tjmom726 , 22 December 2010 · 26 views

I know an 11 year old who doesn't have a protective mom. Her mom is friendly with a level 3 sex offender. Her mom doesn't think the sex offender did anything wrong. The mom will let the 11 year old girl spend time with this known level 3 sex offender. The girl has a responsible dad. Her dad is going to marry my sister in law next year. This 11 yea...


Too tired to fight

Posted by tjmom726 , 20 December 2010 · 26 views

I am waiting for laundry to be finished before I go to bed, but I am not able to go to sleep. I know I am too tired to fight the flashbacks today. Sometimes I have to work so hard to have good thoughts come my way, but because I work so hard, I get tired easily. I don't like the night time at all and I am not only afraid to close my eyes, I am afraid...


How Do I Shut off My Heart

Posted by tjmom726 , 12 December 2010 · 19 views

One of the best and worst quality I have is an oversized heart. I mean I care for people so quickly and I fall hard. Most of the time, I am rejected before I can even say i care. I try to keep boundaries, but I am the one who doesn't want them. I want to have an intense relationship with all of the people I care about. I just met someone about three w...


When Hurt by Many

Posted by tjmom726 , 01 December 2010 · 19 views

O.K. I don't know how many out there have this issue. I was hurt by mostly the men in my family. However, I slept over my grandmother's house several times and slept in my aunts bed.It was those days when I had relations with her. It didn't hurt me a all and I honestly didn't mind it because nothing was hurting or painful. I don't know...


Strong at the Broken Places

Posted by tjmom726 , 30 November 2010 · 23 views

That is the title of a book I once read and I think those who were abused are strong at those places deep inside that were hurt. Deep inside my self, I was strong enough to create a place for me to hide. I actually created a world. This world was filled with people and places as I wanted them to be. I created a perfect mom, a strong woman, a defensive chi...

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