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Why Do We Bother?

Posted by tjmom726 , 16 January 2011 · 61 views

I was feeling badly yesterday. I was in and out of flashbacks. I was having physical memories along with emotional ones. I was mad, scared, confused, and alone in my head. I reached out to a few people and received some comfort, but not enough. I went to bed exhausted and feeling betrayed. I try to help so many and yet, when I need help, or think I need help, I am standing alone.

I woke up this morning still angry. I asked God for help. I am having a difficult time with my memories and needing to feel love. I have so much to give. I give out love all over the place. Then I am mad when I need extra and get none. So, I asked for help. I went to the bowling alley to watch my son bowl on his league. I heard the person in charge speak on the microphone. He said they were holding a baby shower for a mom who is due on February 1st. He said a couple of weeks ago she lost her entire house to a fire. He said she had nothing left. She lost everything....Immediately, my eyes filled with tears. I had memories of my house fire almost two years ago. I remembered the same man who was talking today explaining to all at the bowling alley about my family and my house. I couldn't stop the tears. They were flowing freely. I got up and went to the control desk. I asked the man what I could do. I wrote down my name and number for the mom to call me. As I walked back to my chair, my husband was there, holding a 50 dollar bill for the mom. I knew we had little money. I knew we couldn't afford to spend 50 dollars. I took the money from my husband and walked over to the control desk to give the man the money for the mom. With tears still in my eyes and freely running down my face, I went to the bathroom to sob and to pray. I prayed for the mom with her unborn child. I prayed for her peace and for her strength to get through what I knew would be a very difficult time. I prayed for an answer for her prayers. I prayed for forgiveness for my selfishness. I prayed for strength to get me through the next day.

Then, I got a call to see if I could work tonight. I didn't want to work. I wanted to have a nice night with my daughter and husband. But, I had prayed for help with our finances. So, I went to work tonight for just 5 hours. While I work, I met a new employee. She is just 20. She told me her father is a drug addict. She told me he wanted her to do drugs with him the night before. She told me she told him no. I then flashbacked to my dad asking me to prevent him from killing himself. I told him no. He killed himself the next day..... So, the girl told her dad no. He kicked her out of his car and made her walk home. He lived in another state about 45 minutes by car. She had to walk home all night. Then she went to her 2nd job at 7 am. Then she came to the job I share with her. She was tired. She said he always did drugs. She said he used to get her high and drunk. Then, a customer was rude to her tonight. She started to cry and couldn't stop. So, again, I prayed to God. This time I prayed for help for me for how to help her. I again feel selfish. She needed god more than I. Her pain is in the present...

Why do we bother? Why do we try? Because there will always be someone in need more than us. There will always be a story that is worse. There will always be someone in need that needs our strength. We bother with others because they are no worse and no better. We are all human beings with the same rights. We all deserve peace and happiness. I bother because I know this 20 year old has seen more in life than she should. She deserves a place that is safe. So, not all the work got done tonight because she needed to rest and to stop herself from crying. I bother because people bothered with me.....

If we can all help each other, then we can make it. Thank you for all you do to help others, even as you deal with your own pain.

We all deserve basic human dignity. Even if no one else does, we can give it to each other.

Thank you for your post!

July 2016

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