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So he asks me - So what? What do I care if people can find me?
He asked me another time - Why don't you post your picture - your real picture - on anything? I said, because I don't want people to see me I am private.
What he doesn't know is I have been hiding so long, I am afraid not to.
I still remember the night I broke up with the ex. I had warned him if he lost another job, if he ended up on the streets, we were done. I couldn't handle how he was living his life, living in a gutter when he was too smart for that. I remember him calling me at my mom's house, using my MOM'S calling card number she had given him for emergencies, to ask if I would testify against his landlord for kicking him out or if he would have to have me subeana. I told him no and ended up hanging up on him. He called back. Again and again and again. I remember being curled up in the fetal position WAILING in agony over everything I had gone through with him, over having been so wrong, as the phone just kept ringing. He said if I didn't come into the city that night and bring him his stuff (a hat, a CD, the ring ~shudder~, and a keychain) he would call the police and be at my door with them. I was scared to death. My mom answered once and told him to go to hell. It finally stopped.
Then he tried to contact me later, telling me - yeah well I went to the police but then I realized I couldn't do it.
It was over.
But I was still scared to death it might happen again. I don't give out my number, full name or address unless I have to. I get nervous when I have to. What if they go insnae too and stalk me. What if he FINDS me and decides to come after me?
I thought meeting him and seeing there was nothing would help.
I wish it would have.
It would be nice to be free and unafraid again.
Thank GOD for my schatje. He keeps me sane and I feel safe again with him.
He is the blessing I'm still not sure I deserve.