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it's coming back and i am out of energy to stop it.
i feel like i am carrying around a heavy sack of bricks on my back and that i'm walking through quick sand.
my dog died
my neighboor moved
i pushed all my friends away the last time
now i have none this time
i can't get the energy to live my life
i'm starting to have memories again of what happened
i compare everything to how he treated me
i pick fights with my boyfriend
i'm scared he'll leave
i'm scared he'll stay and i'll drag him down too
they are discontinuing pontiacs, so my new car is worth shit now
i need to get a physical in the next few weeks
and a tb test
i'm scared to death of needles
and doctors
i need to get my car inspected
i feel alone
but i'm afraid to let anyone close
cuz what it i hurt them
or they see how low i am
my preschoolers left for the summer
and half of them won't be back this fall
there is a chance my job won't exist this fall
there is a chance my co-teacher won't have a job this fall
i have to let one of my teachers go
i'm not allowed to know why i'm letting her go
i'm not allowed to talk to the other teachers about why she is being let go
even though i don't know why
my cat is older than my dog
i hand raised her
i am worried about her now
my mom is depressed
my brother treats her like shit
my brother wants to drop out of college
i think he is drinking underage
i'm scared my boyfriend is with me because he is afraid of what will happen if he leaves me
my mom wants grandkids
my mom wants me to get married
my mom doesn't want me to fly across the world to meet my boyfriend
my brother things i'm a loser for meeting another person online
this time someone not even in america
i can't get my school work done
if i don't do my school work i fail the class
if i fail the class i could loose my job
they keep piling more deadlines on me
i hate deadlines
i shut down because i can't keep up
then i feel guilt because i shut down and made more work
i just want to give up
but i can't
because
to many people
are counting on me
to get up in the morning
and be there for them
when do i get to
be there
for myself?
i feel like i am carrying around a heavy sack of bricks on my back and that i'm walking through quick sand.
my dog died
my neighboor moved
i pushed all my friends away the last time
now i have none this time
i can't get the energy to live my life
i'm starting to have memories again of what happened
i compare everything to how he treated me
i pick fights with my boyfriend
i'm scared he'll leave
i'm scared he'll stay and i'll drag him down too
they are discontinuing pontiacs, so my new car is worth shit now
i need to get a physical in the next few weeks
and a tb test
i'm scared to death of needles
and doctors
i need to get my car inspected
i feel alone
but i'm afraid to let anyone close
cuz what it i hurt them
or they see how low i am
my preschoolers left for the summer
and half of them won't be back this fall
there is a chance my job won't exist this fall
there is a chance my co-teacher won't have a job this fall
i have to let one of my teachers go
i'm not allowed to know why i'm letting her go
i'm not allowed to talk to the other teachers about why she is being let go
even though i don't know why
my cat is older than my dog
i hand raised her
i am worried about her now
my mom is depressed
my brother treats her like shit
my brother wants to drop out of college
i think he is drinking underage
i'm scared my boyfriend is with me because he is afraid of what will happen if he leaves me
my mom wants grandkids
my mom wants me to get married
my mom doesn't want me to fly across the world to meet my boyfriend
my brother things i'm a loser for meeting another person online
this time someone not even in america
i can't get my school work done
if i don't do my school work i fail the class
if i fail the class i could loose my job
they keep piling more deadlines on me
i hate deadlines
i shut down because i can't keep up
then i feel guilt because i shut down and made more work
i just want to give up
but i can't
because
to many people
are counting on me
to get up in the morning
and be there for them
when do i get to
be there
for myself?
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Neither are some others of us.
You matter hon.