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Keep in mind, I planned this night out. But my problem is, for outgoing and outspoken as I am normally - the club and the dance floor are unfamiliar territory to me. So, when I get there I turn into this meek mouse that kinda hides in the shadows. I still have fun, but they don't understand how.
Here's the thing I realized last night. I am becoming a total wuss around guys. We are at the club, and I'm sitting and watching the room, making sure my ex doesn't show up. We get on the dance floor, and I finally loosen up, but then one of the girls starts talking to the guys. That's when I stopped dancing and back up into wall flower position. We go to the last club, and some guy flirted with me, I smiled then got the hell out of there.
And the funny part is - I don't care about any of that. I'm just worried that I will be judged wrongly based on my avoidance of men. No one knows what happened to me - so they don't know why I am single or anything. I almost told them last night. I think that's another reason I avoid the liquor - I don't wanna grease my tongue so to speak.
I need to talk to him. I need to find out that men aren't horrible animals out to hurt me. I found his number - I'm sitting here staring at it. I wanna call - and yet the idea scares me to death. It's like that daisy petal game . . . should I shouldn't I should I shouldn't I . . .
I know I'm gonna hafta make a choice soon . . . so that's why I'm on here . . . stalling again . . .