Fantastic tranformations lately
The life I always had before was always something I wanted to change but it was like seeing a calculus problem when you did not even know how to add, or something written in Japanese when you did not speak the language. Change in my mental state, my life and my world were all desired but they were foreign to me. I could see the problem and I could see where I wanted to go but the path there was lost to me. It was like someone tore the middle out of my map.
So I carried on with my life, lost and not knowing where to go or what to think. I knew what I wanted but I thought the destination was a dream land that only existed the same way unicorns do---in my imagination.
Here lately I think someone is proving me wrong. I decided if I wanted real change and all I have had before is disappointment then just start doing everything different from how I did it before.
I decided I would try to stop thinking the entire world was evil as I had been taught and that people in general were good and worth the time and effort. My history has taught me the exact opposite but everytime I ever operated under that same mindset I would get hurt again.
Through all of this 'experimenting' I have picked the couple of people I thought were worth giving a chance to. I went on blind faith that my 'radar' was going to be right and if I was wrong I would deal with the consequences.
The interesting thing? When I actually went with my gut feeling and believed in someone, everything turned out okay. I am learning to tell who I can trust and giving that trust to them without complications. Sure there have been some missteps but that is how you learn, but when it really came down to trusting someone with something extremely important it has paid off.
My life is turning out to be okay and my ability to trust is coming back. Thank you to the people I have given trust to for not letting me down, you are also helping me to heal more each day. You are showing me the world is not evil, there are just evil people in it. I am learning from you that while it has been rough, it can be okay. I am learning that it is not only on YOU to prove it to me, I have to give a little to get a little.
My life is a two way street, all the work can not be done by me OR others, it has to be both of us. When me and the people in my life that I do trust and adore work together my life is becoming a much better place as I hope theirs is to. If we could all do this I think the entire world could become a better place too.
Thank you to everyone here on Pandy's that is helping to teach me this lesson, and to those in my 'real' life, I owe you a debt of gratitude that is immeasurable.