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Everything changing, the new and the old finally merge

Posted by Jennifer2782 , 26 September 2011 · 113 views

Since I joined pandy's, and even a little before that, I have had this habit of self examination at any given point in time. It happens for virtually no reason at all just sometimes I feel reflective, I guess. Most times there is some kind of little thing that prompts it. Maybe realizing it has been a while since I had a panic attack, or realizing I used coping skills to get through one without losing my mind like I used to...any myriad of things.
Well here lately I have been thinking about progress again. Just tonight the reflection was prompted by my music.
I have always been big about music and have quite often thought if I had to try and make it through with out it, well, forget about it....would never have happened. It has been my therapy before I started real therapy, a calming influence and something that helped me vent. But something that has always bugged me is that I could no longer listen to songs I used to love. The ones that I used to listen to when I was younger, the ones that influenced the music I love today. I think it always bugged me when I would hear one of those songs because it would make me flash to when I first heard it..and usually that was not a good thing.

I loved those old songs, when they were gone it was almost like losing a part of me.
Here lately the old songs are mostly what I have been listening to. And it does not make me flash back, it does not make feel sad...rather it makes me smile. It has made me happy to see the girl I started out merge with the woman I am becoming. Instead of seeing them clash and it causing all sorts of strife, they are happily merging and it is an amazing transformation to me.

More and more often I am starting to feel like the happy, healthy and WHOLE me that I have always deserved to be. No longer am I haunted by the broken version, I am turning into the best version of me and am so happy to be able to claim that.
I can finally breath and dream and hope, I feel truly blessed.
Now to carry on some more with the journey and see where it takes me....

Sep 26 2011 08:00 PM
so so happy that you are doing better!!! :thumbsup: :hi5: sending you lots of love and hugs!!

June 2016

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