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As it Stands today


Good, Bad and Ugly.

Posted by bj_bear , 11 February 2014 · 28 views

For awhile I was doing good. Which made me wonder when the bad would come. Of course now it is coming in waves. Mainly doubt and fear and the desire to just float off the planet. I wonder sometimes how I've managed to be me all of these years. I suck. I don't connect properly, I need to be in control, I am afraid of EVERYTHING, and I just cannot tru...



Posted by bj_bear , 10 December 2013 · 125 views

Group therapy has been a failure for me. I cannot open up to five strangers all of whom have different versions of abuse. Again I was odd woman out. No one else in this group experienced CSA or anything like it. My therapist doesn't see why I desperately want a group of other CSA survivors. Makes me feel like the year I spent in sessions with her was...


Still awake

Posted by bj_bear , 04 December 2013 · 93 views

I'm still awake. Its late I feel sick and angry. Sometimes I really appreciate my T and sometimes I could happily slap her. My last session will be my last for the year. I can't see her for awhile. I don't care if thats avoidance or defensiveness or whatever buzz word sounds good. For over a year I have been going every week and now I've explored gro...


More to me

Posted by bj_bear , 07 September 2013 · 70 views

I am not just what happened to me so long ago. I am back in a down spiral with my depression and sometimes I just have nowhere to go or to express it. Every place has a requirement...Pandy's is about my abuse, My depression forum is about that disease, Experience is a site about the now...and my caregiving meetings focus on dealing with my mother. B...


3:00 A.M. Anxiety, Stress, ?

Posted by bj_bear , in Just Somethin 20 August 2013 · 64 views

I'm my mother's primary caregiver. That should be enough to fill in the gaps for this entry.

Mom rarely sleeps thru the night. As an insomniac for over 20 years - whenever I can sleep it is wonderful and cannot be interrupted or I'll usually remain awake.

Well...12:00am mom's clock radio goes off blaring country music..which generally...

April 2014

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