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random thoughts/vacation

Posted by etchasketch , 26 December 2010 · 16 views

This week will be tough. I have a one week vacation from work and both of my therapists are on vacation. I have no plans but am trying to put some things into place. Right now it is difficult. I am crawling with anxiety and throwing social activity into the mix just seems like too much, even though I know it will be good in the long run. Tonight I had to...


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Must write..(parents)

Posted by etchasketch , 22 December 2010 · 25 views

I have to keep writing in here, I know journalling (or blogging technically, whatever) is good for me. Even my therapist asked if I had been doing it lately, and suggested that I do it more.
It's just hard to think of things to write. In therapy we've been talking about relationships a lot, analyzing why I choose abusive men over and over again, t...


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This feels like a big step..

Posted by etchasketch , 20 December 2010 · 20 views

I haven't posted in here for a while, I've been so busy. In a good way..I think.
I was walking into work about two weeks ago when my co-worker approached me and asked if I wanted to do a live painting at the winter concert of an orchestra/music ensemble project she works for. I said sure and immediately regretted it, I don't like being the cen...


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I finally typed up "my story" ..

Posted by etchasketch , 19 November 2010 · 13 views

I finally typed up my story in the "My Story" section of this forum. This feels like a very big step. Maybe I will print out a copy to bring to my therapist this week...


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Panic

Posted by etchasketch , 19 November 2010 · 14 views

A day off from work today, I am panicking. I took the day off because I was supposed to take a bus to NYC today (an easy busride from my city to NYC four hours away) but travel panic and my inability to do anything borderline adventurous caused me to call off the trip. By the time I realized I wasn;t going though, my school had already hired a sub for the...


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Dream plus some triggering stuff

Posted by etchasketch , 18 November 2010 · 17 views

I had a dream last night that I was walking down an outdoor, decrepit old staircase with two girls (I did not recognize them in real life, but in the dream they were my co-workers, or at least that is what I gathered from conversation) We were walking down the stairs carefully, anxiously, because they were littered with skulls of animals and disfigured h...


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Whew!

Posted by etchasketch , 14 November 2010 · 13 views

I have so many things on my mind and so many mixed emotions right now. I hope trying to type them all out helps me clarify them a bit.

http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=160581&st=0&p=1289900&fromsearch=1&#entry1289900
(backstory/info here)^^^
On Friday I had to go back to the site of my r's and abuse. It was very difficu...


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Therapy, work

Posted by etchasketch , 10 November 2010 · 19 views

Therapy has been good lately. Tough, and upsetting, to be sure, but afterwards I feel like I am accomplishing things. I am finally saying all the things I've been holding inside for so long. It feels good just to tell SOMEONE.
There are some problematic things. I've been seeing my therapist for about 5 yrs now, and she is great- I've been in...


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Voting day (anniversary, trigger)

Posted by etchasketch , 02 November 2010 · 18 views

I didn't end up posting "My Story"... I feel like it might just be better if I post it here, in bits and pieces.
Today is an anniversary (fall in its entirety is an anniversary, today is just a particularly intense one). I remember because it is voting day.
In the fall of 2004, when all the abuse was happening, the election for US president a...


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emotional...

Posted by etchasketch , 31 October 2010 · 14 views

Tonight the pain is real and close. I like it better when it feels real. When it feels unreal my whole world feels unreal.
I wish I had something profound to say. Some revelation or something. Going through recovery over and over again is hard. This trauma stuff..this is the first time I'm going through a recovery process completely alone. I often won...






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