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I think we all can relate

Posted by Iammealways , 15 September 2010 · 47 views

Hi there fellow survivors. My story is that I went on many years in denial or pretending that what happened to me wasn't significant. After it happened, I just said everything was okay I'm fine. I guess it didn't hit me until years later. The reason I have thought about it lately, is because I didn't think it had an effect on me as much as it did. I went into shock then, and even still I didn't want to believe it was happening. I went through whatever he wanted me to do so he would just go away. Apparently, from what I understand now, it was about control. In my case after I did ask him to stop, he didn't, so I just froze-another indication that this wasn't normal. He called me afterward to berate me some more-once again, another sign that this wasn't normal. I had difficulty reporting him because he came back into my life to try to put seeds of doubt in my head that his treatment of me was okay. And, I am also an incest survivor-which I think has nothing to do with it, because after those incidences I'm all too aware of what feels right to me and not. My husband is an example of that. I had even more pressure trying to convince those around me what had happened. I think most of us know that in those scenarios, it is hard to fight back and easier just to take it so it will be over with. Unfortunately, my birth-father made the mistake of saying he knows how that guy feels, which hopefully he can reconsider. I have even tried in my life-as I understand you survivors out there do, to make up excuses for why he did it. To try to rationalize it-so that the world makes sense.



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