Jump to content


For December



Photo

Hearing (the day after)

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 15 views

The things you said I did,
I know I didn't do.
Now I know for sure.







You raped me.


Photo

May 17, 2010: Closing Arguments, pre-trail edits

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 17 views

When I was 14, I made a commitment to God, my parents, and my future husband, that I would abstain from sex. I’ve had three committed relationships, each lasting at least a year, and I still held true to my virginity. It was not only important but a part of me, something that anyone who knew me, knew about. But in one night Michael Palama took this away f...


Photo

May 1, 2010: SU prevention

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 14 views

5 steps to not SU-courtesy of my former T

Listen to Heavy Metal music
Write--poetry
Read something distracting or postive--fiction
Spend time with friends
Contact on call or talk hotline
Thanks counseling center.

What do I do when those don't work?

Just because I know why it hurts,
doesn't mean I can make it stop.


Photo

May 19, 2010: Fight

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 24 views




Photo

May 22, 2010: Photo Line Up

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 15 views

I didn't want to see your face but now I have that face, those eyes, that nose, that prominent nose, those lips, in my head.

It might not have been you. But I can't help but imagine those eyes looking at me, your lips touching me, and I feel so dirty, so useless. Well. You found your use.

Why?

Why me?


Photo

May 30, 2010: I love you

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 15 views

" I need to erase him, Jen. "

" I get that. I do. Just be sure you don't erase YOU in the process. "


Photo

April 22, 2010: Hope

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 15 views

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to aveng...


Photo

April 22, 2010: Smile

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 15 views

Are any of my smiles real?
where’s my sense of joy?
can strangers see this
—hiding in my eyes?
have I just gotten so good
at portraying only lies?

Fake laughing
Fake smiling
Fake everything
because they need it
—just as much as you

“It’s going to be okay.”
do it for them
do it for you
smile


Photo

April 18th: Thanks

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 14 views

! VNV Nation - "Illusion"

I know its hard to tell
How mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need
Is behind every door
Each time you get hurt
I don't want you to change
Cuz everyone has hopes
You're human after all

The feeling sometimes
Wishing you were someone else
Fe...


Photo

April 1, 2010: Rx, day 1

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 18 views

Major Depressive Disorder

WELLBUTRIN XL is indicated for the treatment of major depressive disorder.

The efficacy of bupropion in the treatment of a major depressive episode was established in two 4-week controlled trials of inpatients and in one 6-week controlled trial of outpatients whose diagnoses corresponded most closely to the Major Depression cat...


Photo

April 1, 2010: Ruined

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 18 views

:trigger:

I didn't ask for this
I didn't want his penis inside of me
a stranger, a boy I didn't know
didn't love, didn't even have the decency
to get to know me
not just put it in and have his fun
and I was just a vessel
trash
for him to leave his cum


Photo

March 24, 2010: See

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 18 views

:trigger:

People ask, "How are you doing?" "How was your break?". "Good", "Relaxing", "Fine", I reply. They want to hear that it was good. They need to hear that it was good.


They don't want to know that I nearly put myself in the hospital trying to get my vein open. If you had not shown up....

...you were s...


Photo

March 22, 2010: Luck

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 16 views

Alex asked me, "What could the detective say that will make you happy?" My immediate response was nothing. If there isn't a case, that will hurt. If there is that's more shit I'll have to talk about. But then, I thought about it. If he confessed, that would make me not happy, but a lot better. But I highly doubt it. I could only be so...


Photo

March 21, 2010: Peace

Posted by xRainx , 04 November 2010 · 17 views

:trigger::

There is a peace to the thought of SU. I've thought of how I would say goodbye to those who ever meant anything to me. I like the thought of the honesty, them knowing the truth. The comfort in that...it's hard to describe, but I feel it.


Photo

March 20, 2010

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 19 views

I wish I contracted something terminal. Then I would know when this would all be over.


Photo

March 18, 2010: Lines

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry, poem 04 November 2010 · 31 views

:trigger:

The vertical lines on my wrist feel like guitar strings. If I stroke them, what song will they play? A sweet soft melody or something angry, something sad?


Photo

March 17, 2010: Thank You

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 19 views

Me: Please say something nice. I need to hear something nice.

Alejandro: You are the most genuine and caring person I have ever met. I feel comfortable around you because I never feel like you ever judge me or would betray my trust. You have this way of making me forget back about the bad things and the smile you have an incredible taste in music that I...


Photo

March 2, 2010: If only

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 17 views

If I go to the police, it would be for my sister. It would be so noting like this could ever happen to her. If only I never drank. If only men didn't find me attractive. If only I wore pants instead of a dress, maybe he would have hesitate. Or Nicole could have walked in. Just a plain black, cotton summer dress. I loved that dress. Now it sits in a br...


Photo

Feb 15, 2010: Underoath

Posted by xRainx , in backdated entry, song 04 November 2010 · 32 views

Too Bright To See, Too Loud To Hear

Good God, if your song leaves our lips
If your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears
Let us, because we all have eyes
How they knew that this would...


Photo

Valentines Day-Feb 14, 2010: Sex

Posted by xRainx , in video, backdated entry 04 November 2010 · 37 views

:trigger:

3 minutes 15 seconds in...

http://http://www.yo...player_embedded






Recent Entries

Recent Comments

December 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617 18 1920
21222324252627
28293031   

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.