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Posted by xRainx , 24 January 2011 · 158 views

I don't know why this has been weighing on my mind lately. Maybe it's my friend mentioning she wants a baby. Maybe it's all the Plan B commercials that pop up on Bravo. I'm not even sure what this feeling is...

Of course I didn't want to have their kid. The first was a stranger and the second, my roommate, but I did not have a choice in the possible conception. I took Plan B the first time. That means it never formed right? Right? It haunts me. 9 months from the rape I had a breakdown for the child I could have had. Shouldn't have had. The second assault, I did nothing. Just waited.

I'm not sure why this has affected me so much. I wouldn't have wanted a child. I couldn't have handled raising something that could have looked like him. Either of them.

Jan 25 2011 05:39 AM
I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now, I wish I had some advice to give you. The best I can do is tell you that you're not alone. I had an abortion at eight weeks gestation, I was thirteen years old. Five years later I still struggle with doubts, especially after seeing a good friend's little baby girl for the first time this weekend.

I hope you'll feel better soon, gentle hugs if okay.

Take care,

Wow. I am very sorry that you had to go through all of that...I can't imagine...

But I appreciate you telling me this. Thank you for the encouragement.

You take care too.

Jan 26 2011 08:26 AM
Oh rain you should try and not let this get to you. You took 'Plan B' very quickly after your r*, it can take a long time for sperm to even reach the egg (they can survive for quite long! - days i think!) and believe it or not its actually really hard to get pregnant! there is no guarantee you would have even been pregnant when you took Plan B, and even if you would have been, the egg would be nothing more than a single cell. Please dont worry yourself over this, 'Plan B' is not the same as an abortion and you may not have even have been pregnant, so try not to think about it as a baby you may have had.

People view the time when the egg, or fetus becomes 'alive' differently, so its really down to your own views, but either way i don't think you should torture yourself with this, in my opinion you did the right thing!


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