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I wish I could escape from all of this...

Posted by flylikeabutterfly , 24 August 2010 · 101 views

I woke up today, later than usual and was supposed to go to work today but instead I decided to stay home. The whole time I've been home I simply been browsing the internet and listening to music. All the music I've been listening too has mostly been the depressing type of music. Most of the songs are all about the same thing, pain, heart break, feeling alone, death, drugs. I'm not even sure why I listen to this type of music when I know it's not good for me. Maybe I'm punishing myself cause I feel like everything is my fault. I'm so depressing, and I wonder why nobody will be my friend. :( Earlier today I talked to my boyfriend and now I can't even get a hold of him. Maybe he's ignoring me or thinks I don't love him anymore cause lately I've been really distant from him. It's not something I'm doing on purpose, I'm just depressed in general and fearing that every person is out to hurt me.

In the past two months, all I've been doing is trying to do things that will help me escape from my past. I don't even want to think about what happened to me or why it had to happen to me. My childhood was great, but now everything seems so gloomy to me. Back to not wanting to go to work, all I want to do is sleep and read. Can't even handle a simple conversation, cause I stress out so easily. I'm fearing that I'm close to having a mental break down or something cause I can't handle much at all at this point. I've become very lazy and not wanting to do anything, even at work and that's not something I want to continue doing. Right now I'd love it if I could take a vacation away from work, everyone from everyone that knows me and relax. Everyone needs to get away for a little while and I feel like I should get away before I do end up stressing myself out. Another thing I'd like if a friend could go with me, but most of my friends don't really speak that much to me anymore. Right now all I want to do is get away from everything cause I'm so afraid to face everything that has happened to me.

There is a big difference from being lazy and major depression. You sound like you are griped with major depression.

It is okay to ask for professional help as well as help from family and friends. I hope you will do so.

Take very good care of you right now and many blessings.
Aug 27 2010 12:52 AM
Hi Sweetie,

I am in total agreement with bella, you sound as if you are in a very depressed state right now. You have every reason to be depressed. I hope you can ask your doctor/therapist for some help.

Take it from me, you can not run from your problems. They will catch up and bite you in the butt. Please take care of yourself, you are the only person who can. I am here if you ever need to talk. Please feel free to message me anytime you need to talk. I have broad shoulders and can handle your load for awhile.

Take gentle care of yourself.

July 2016

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