Anger and Hatred!
I am having to put it mildly a shitty day. I posted a thread in my voice and got some very good responses. I just wish I knew why I was in such a funk. I am sad. I am angry. I hate myself. Right now I hate life. I just wish I had never remembered any of my childhood gang rape.
:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:
Seeing the images of my rape scare the hell out of me. Seeing myself tied down on this big table and seeing them rape me one by one. Have each of them force themselves on me orally. I remember gagging and throwing up every time the bastards finished in my mouth. I can feel the knife on my throat while they threatend me. I can feel the barrel of the gun under my chin when they said that if I ever told a living soul they would kill me and kill my mom. I wondered why I had a horrible fear of guns. Now I know why. Now I know why I hate the little Laura. She didn't follow her moms warnings. She was a bad girl. She allowed this to happen over and over again. WHY did she do that. I hate the little girl me. I hate me period.
I don't know if I am doing what you are suppose to do in a blog, but it is whats on my mind right now.